Today was my day 14 of my WBR session. The session today, for some reason, it took a littlelonger due to the nurse having to align my head to the machine. Because it took 5 minutes longer than usual to set up, and perhaps I was already so exhausted from the Spring vacation, laying down instantly made me dizzy.
To make it worse, with a keen sense of smell, with the odor of the chlorine bleach smell and mediciney stench of my mask, once the treatment started, I almost didn't make it through the session. Immediately after the first blinding, blue/purple radiation beam of light stoke my head, I was overwhelmingly hit with nausea. I struggle to "calm" down my stomach, but to no avail, as soon as the second blinding blue beam hit my left side of my head, I could barely hold up from gagging and barfing. Yup. Gross. The nurse had to act quickly to catch it with a trash can and to hand me the pink hospital bucket.
After a little sip of water and clean up, I gathered myself together to head back out to the car and drive myself back to work. It wasn't fun and I'll have to admit, this treatment isn't just harsh. It's hell. I hate it and can't wait til tomorrow when I am all done.
And, if you've been following my blog, since my carpool buddy is on vacation today and tomorrow, I don't like it, but I have to drive myself to and from work and to and from treatment. Can't wait for him to be come back and we'll resume our carpool arrangement again.
Day 9-14th Whole Brain treatment
By now, since today was my 14th treatment, like the Doctors had advised, by day 10 and day 11 of this WBR, like perfect prediction, my hair quickly was falling, falling, thinning, and thinning out like crazy. As soon as my treatment 10 ended, my hair started to fuzz up and all day, all night, for days, it was raining down "Fawn's hair" all day. Annoyed with the itchiness and visual "yuck" of it constantly, endlessly falling at an overwhelming alarming rate, by nightfall, I had my hubby trimmed it into a short shoulder length style. But, to my appallness and disappointment, he chopped it down length wise to the bottom of my ear in a very unattractive look. Uargh! Needless to say, I was upset.
I kept replaying and longing for my long hair before he chopped it all off. Silently, I also wanted so much to hold on to the hope of keeping my hair. But, since my hair was so poorly cut, and when more hair fell off during and after I showered, I slowly gave in the idea of shaving it all off.
And when much more fell off when I gently brushed my hair down, looking at myself in the mirror, with sadness,I clearly saw that my hairline and head, had massive "balding" spots. And so, I gave in and ask my hubby to do a clean front shave. Baldness. It's is hard to accept and get used to. I am sadden to see the loss of my hair. Gone. And just like that, an instant, my beautiful, natural hair, all loss due to WBR treatment. Cancer sucks.
Kids acceptance
But before my hubby proceeded with shaving my hair, I did gently asked my kids, especially Ellen, if it was "ok" for my hubby to cut and shave my head/hair. Reluctantly, Ellen, said and sigh, "awh, ok, Mommy. If you need to, since Daddy gave you such a bad haircut already." Isn't that so sweet of her. She is so intelligent and so articulate with her words for being 5 years old. Thank you Ellen. Thank you Ethan, Ellen and Emma for understanding. Each one of you are so precious and so adorable. Mommy loves you so much for having you all endure through this. Thank you for your support and love.
But in preparation for this day where I would loose all my hair, rewind to last week and 2 weeks ago, I had already, slowly explained to them that in a few weeks time, that I would be loosing my hair and that it would be ok as hopefully it will grow back in full through time. I did show them my "wig(s)" that I picked up, since it was the first thing they had asked when I walked home with a bag with "fake" hair.
And so, yup, from last Thursday (4/4/13) onward, I've been wearing a "wig". I put it right after my hubby shave the frontal part of my head. Even Ellen, complimented that she really "liked it" and it looked "nice."
Seriously, I dread and hate having to wear a wig. It feels funny, itchy and just plain unnatural. I can't wait until my own natural hair grows back. But, until then, a wig must be my new "hair" substitute and a must have necessity. I have 4 wigs now, but 3 of them were from a local wig bank that are synthetic and plastic looking. After wearing them for a few days, I gave them up and took an hour out to do a quick shopping at a local wig store to find the perfect all natural lace frontal wig that was made from 100% human hair.
With no time to sneak away from the kids for too long, I swiftly just bought a plain, simple, light brown with blondish highlights wig. I wore it today for the first time since I resumed work from my Spring vacation.
Pictures to come to share soon. Everyone at work, actually amazingly like my new look and hair style. They even complimented that I look 10 years younger. That is nice to hear. If you have to wear a wig, all natural is the way to go and a must. Forget the plastic, synthetic ones. It's heavy and itchy. But, I'm hoping and praying that soon, my hair will grow back and I can do away with wearing any wig at all. So, please, hair, do grow back fast and soon.
14 session down. 1 more to go. Lots of Love.
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