It's 11 PM and finally, a moment of peace and quiet time to myself. Tired, exhausted and in desperate need of sleep and rest, I'm ready for bed as soon as I finish this entry. I write to release the thoughts, emotions, stress, worries and to express the million of thoughts that constantly crowd my mind. I love to write. Writing is my coping mechanism. Through journaling down my thoughts and articulating my worries, feelings and anxieties, I release all the bottled down fears, stresses and challenges that come my way everyday. And right now, there are so many stresses and challenges besides my cancer and treatment and kids that are very worrisome and concerning to me. More to share in another post.
Today as usual, has been busy as usual; packed with so much responsibilities, appointments, obligations and parental responsibilities. Isn't there an "easy, relaxing" day coming my way soon? Really, I am so due for a rest and relaxation day from everything! Wouldn't that be a dream to have a day where I can just have a day off just to catch my breath. But, with my luck, I guess not. Right now, there's an overwhelming amount of "bad luck" and challenges happening my way through no fault of mine.
Instantly, as 7 AM hit, I woke up busy. Luckily, with my hubby's help with the getting the kids ready for school, feeding them breakfast, I had a free moment to eat breakfast and logged onto work. But not soon, not a second free, I was off to taking the girls and Ethan to school, talking to their teachers to see how each are doing, giving them good bye hugs, taking some photos of them on my iphone, then went straight back to work from home to be on a conference, deep dive call and worked until noon.
Meet my Friend, Lynn
Right after that, I drove to meet up with my good friend, Lynn for lunch. It was such a joy to meet with her to catch up with how she is doing. Like me, in her late 30s, sadly, she too has the same exact, dire, non small cell lung cancer, stage 4, with metastasis throughout. Like me, she never smoked and lived healthy. And like me, she is Asian and has a young son. And like me, we have fears that soon someday, we will be running out of treatment options or that our treatments will stop being effective.
We laughed. We cried. We hugged and shared out experiences, treatments and supported one another. We talked about how no one really understands the harsh experiences of chemo, radiation, Cyberknife and radiation treatment until you really go through it. We talked about loosing hope in this hopeless and senseless disease and our worries, fears of leaving behind our young children, motherless. We talked about our acceptance of our untimely fate.
Throughout our 2 hour lunch date, ultimately we both shared and agreed on one thing that is the biggest worry out of all our worries. Besides our fears of running out of treatment options, by far, our greatest of concern is our kids. Not being able be there to raise and be there for our kids into adulthood lays heavy on our hearts. It's a heavy burden that we, as mothers, will be robbed of being there for our kids, as all kids deserve their mother's wisdom, support, love and guidance. It's heartbreaking and a big burden on our hearts.
Soon enough, our lunch date was winding down. But, we promise to keep supporting one another and meeting up more frequently to support one another.
Hairstylist
Already so late since my lunch date with Lynn ran over, I was off to see my personal hair stylist to help me style my new "wigs". I was so glad to have found him as he does hair weaves, hair clip on and extensions (for the down the road 3 - 6 month future hair wig needs as well). He was so kind and luckily, his store was right in my neighborhood. We first started out heading out to a local "wig" store so that I pick out another all natural, human hair wig so that I can have another style.
But, to my discontent, we didn't find anything that I like. So then, we drove back to the salon so that he can wash my bald head and what little hair left I had, wash my two wigs, style, and cut both of them to my liking and to my face/structure. Except, since only one of my wigs was made out of 100% human hair, he was only able to quickly wash, brush and style the other black synthetic hair. Since the black hair was made out of "plastic", no blow drying and hot flat iron could be used on it or else it would melt.
By 7 PM, he was done and I walked out so pretty darn looking, no one would be able to tell it's not my own natural hair. Amazing. What talent he has. So thankful for his service.
Doctor Appointment
I was late to my hairstylist due to a last minute appointment stop in to see my other Doctor, for my annual check up. That appointment with Dr. V, took a lot longer than I expected. But, like the rest of my doctors, he was a joy to see and talk to. He delivered all my three babies and for that, I am ever so grateful to be in his care.
Beside my routine exam, I did ask them about some other questions and he readily answered. On top of that, by good timing, he was also able to help me fill out some other medical related forms and applications on FMLA leave. More on that soon.
Well, this post is getting way too long. It's midnight now and I'm getting overly tired. I'm calling it a night. Lots of Love.
Today as usual, has been busy as usual; packed with so much responsibilities, appointments, obligations and parental responsibilities. Isn't there an "easy, relaxing" day coming my way soon? Really, I am so due for a rest and relaxation day from everything! Wouldn't that be a dream to have a day where I can just have a day off just to catch my breath. But, with my luck, I guess not. Right now, there's an overwhelming amount of "bad luck" and challenges happening my way through no fault of mine.
Instantly, as 7 AM hit, I woke up busy. Luckily, with my hubby's help with the getting the kids ready for school, feeding them breakfast, I had a free moment to eat breakfast and logged onto work. But not soon, not a second free, I was off to taking the girls and Ethan to school, talking to their teachers to see how each are doing, giving them good bye hugs, taking some photos of them on my iphone, then went straight back to work from home to be on a conference, deep dive call and worked until noon.
Meet my Friend, Lynn
Right after that, I drove to meet up with my good friend, Lynn for lunch. It was such a joy to meet with her to catch up with how she is doing. Like me, in her late 30s, sadly, she too has the same exact, dire, non small cell lung cancer, stage 4, with metastasis throughout. Like me, she never smoked and lived healthy. And like me, she is Asian and has a young son. And like me, we have fears that soon someday, we will be running out of treatment options or that our treatments will stop being effective.
We laughed. We cried. We hugged and shared out experiences, treatments and supported one another. We talked about how no one really understands the harsh experiences of chemo, radiation, Cyberknife and radiation treatment until you really go through it. We talked about loosing hope in this hopeless and senseless disease and our worries, fears of leaving behind our young children, motherless. We talked about our acceptance of our untimely fate.
Throughout our 2 hour lunch date, ultimately we both shared and agreed on one thing that is the biggest worry out of all our worries. Besides our fears of running out of treatment options, by far, our greatest of concern is our kids. Not being able be there to raise and be there for our kids into adulthood lays heavy on our hearts. It's a heavy burden that we, as mothers, will be robbed of being there for our kids, as all kids deserve their mother's wisdom, support, love and guidance. It's heartbreaking and a big burden on our hearts.
Soon enough, our lunch date was winding down. But, we promise to keep supporting one another and meeting up more frequently to support one another.
Hairstylist
Already so late since my lunch date with Lynn ran over, I was off to see my personal hair stylist to help me style my new "wigs". I was so glad to have found him as he does hair weaves, hair clip on and extensions (for the down the road 3 - 6 month future hair wig needs as well). He was so kind and luckily, his store was right in my neighborhood. We first started out heading out to a local "wig" store so that I pick out another all natural, human hair wig so that I can have another style.
But, to my discontent, we didn't find anything that I like. So then, we drove back to the salon so that he can wash my bald head and what little hair left I had, wash my two wigs, style, and cut both of them to my liking and to my face/structure. Except, since only one of my wigs was made out of 100% human hair, he was only able to quickly wash, brush and style the other black synthetic hair. Since the black hair was made out of "plastic", no blow drying and hot flat iron could be used on it or else it would melt.
By 7 PM, he was done and I walked out so pretty darn looking, no one would be able to tell it's not my own natural hair. Amazing. What talent he has. So thankful for his service.
Doctor Appointment
I was late to my hairstylist due to a last minute appointment stop in to see my other Doctor, for my annual check up. That appointment with Dr. V, took a lot longer than I expected. But, like the rest of my doctors, he was a joy to see and talk to. He delivered all my three babies and for that, I am ever so grateful to be in his care.
Beside my routine exam, I did ask them about some other questions and he readily answered. On top of that, by good timing, he was also able to help me fill out some other medical related forms and applications on FMLA leave. More on that soon.
Well, this post is getting way too long. It's midnight now and I'm getting overly tired. I'm calling it a night. Lots of Love.
sweet dreams (because for all of us this cancer is a nightmare)
ReplyDelete