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Friday, October 5, 2012

Xalkori - day 10 Update

I've been on Xalkori for 10 days now exactly.  I still experience the visions issues, gastro-intestinal ( heart burn/ burps), both diarrhea and constipation (which comes and goes), major taste changes where everything tastes either mediciney with a twitch of bitterness and now a little decrease sense of appetite, which is new.  The vision only bothers me a bit in the mornings and evening.  And so to avoid nausea issues, instead of taking it first thing in the morning on an empty stomach, I take it at either10 am or either right before lunch or after lunch. Exactly 12 hours apart as I've been instructed. But this 12 hours apart gets tricky if I take it after lunch since if I follow the 12 hours apart rule, it makes it really hard to get out of bed at like midnight to take it.  Besides the timing part, really, it's almost impossible to remember to take it at midnight, let alone, getting out of bed half asleep to take it.

And as predicted,  like yesterday, since I got home from work so late (8:30 ish PM), after a light dinner, reviewing kids homework, reading to kids, I was so tired, I went straight to bed at 10PM ish and just simply forgot to take it.  Before I know it, by noon the next day, I finally realized that I had forgotten to take one last night.  Oh well. Can't double up on it as its a very toxic pill. I have to find a better time so that it's easier to remember or put it on an alarm alert on my phone to notify me.

On another note, I'm noticing a little scratchy patch of itchy rash on my left leg, but it could be due to a little bug bite..I'm not really sure what it is.  Could be due to me working on the vegetable garden and or being out and about in the yard? Hopefully it's not an reaction or indication that I'm allergic to this new treatment as that's the last thing I want happen.  I mean, this Xalkori pill, it represents all my hopes and dreams for continued good health and stability, if not the MIRACLE pill to being cancer free that I'm daily wishing for .

Patience
Anyways, I've noticed that my energy, alertness, enthusiasm, and endurance are all so much more keen.  I mean, I'm happy to report that I even sense my mind, and my critical thinking skills seems clearer and sharper these days. Maybe Xalkori is helping and it's doing its power punch prowness in destroying the cancer cells. At least that's the hope.

Aside from the side effects, I've also notice that my patience seems to be growing quite short, my criticism, cynicism and temperament seems a little on the short fuse side too.  This is unusual for me since I'm usually pretty mellow, easy going, quiet, mind my own business and go about doings things nicely, warmly and kindly.  I've always been a go get it done sort of type A personality.

Thus, noticing this tiny change, I'm tyring to remind myself, to stop and resist adding "my own snappy editorial" comments responses to those who do take care of me (customer service, nurses, etc).  Hmm, I wonder if this little bitty snappy side of me has anything to due with this drug.  Or could it be due to aging, stress, having less free, quiet, down time for myself, and trying to be in a hurry all the time and having to always ty to balance/keep up all the balls that are constantly in the air.  Hmm, or could it be all of the above, which makes perfect sense as it's hard to keep it all afloat.  Regardless, I need to slow down and remind myself to be kind, gentle, caring, respectful and treasure and take in all the moments and beauties of life that surrounds me.

The SAMFund Grants & Scholarships, Moving Forward With Your Financial Health: Health Insurance 101: Understanding the System and Your Rights

I found about this website while catching up on my nightly reading about lung cancer news and research.  It's a wonderful organization to help those who are young adults move forward with their lives after cancer.  I don't qualify for this program.  However, it is hosting a very informative webinar, like "Moving Forward With Your Financial Health: Health Insurance 101: Understanding the System and Your Rights", which I've already signed up to join.  For more info on this webinar and about this organization, follow it at http://www.thesamfund.org/pages/news.html.

Latest news and condolences on to my online NSCL fighters
With being so busy, it's taken me a little longer to catch up with my nightly reading of blogs, emails, and latest Non Small Cell Lung cancer news. This week, when I did login to read on some fellow NSCL cancer bloggers, I was hit with shock and disappointment.  Reading their latest blogs, with heavy heart that I shockingly learned  that both of my fellow online lung cancer fighters, whom have given lots of hope and inspiration, Lori Hope and Mike Baker, http://www.mikebakereducation.co.uk/beatingcancer/, have lost their fight against this horrible disease. I couldn't believe it. Its maddening. Saddening. Two wonderful humans.Writers, public speakers. Both of them each, did amazing work in bringing more awareness and to research to lung cancer.  I'm at a loss for their families and to society's loss. It makes me realize how quickly life changes.  How fragile life is, and how in an instant, things can be forever changed. Gone. In an instant. Just like that.

Makes me Pause
Hearing about their news, like a tidal wave, it hits me hard, that I too, need to stop, think, and again and again, re-evaluate my priorities of what is really important to me. Questions like, should I work or not work, the whys, the digging deeply down under of the purpose of my life, of what I really should do with the time I am here.  As my doctors say, I have a terminal illness and it's unfortunate, but questions like these, like a shadow, is constantly on my mind and heart.

More specifically, I know beyond any doubts, that at the end of the day, its ultimately spending time with and being with my kids, family and friends that makes me most happy and means the utmost importance to me. I mean, like the saying goes, "no one, when their sick, laying on their bed, would say that, jeez, "wish they had spent more time at the office." No. Absolutely not. Everyone will most likely agree that they would want to spent more time with loved ones, living and enjoying their life to the fullest.

Emma 3 years Birthday!
 Speaking of family, I'm excited to say that I'm so full of gratitude to be here to celebrate my precious and youngest daughter, Emma turning 3 years old tomorrow!  She's already hand delivered her "Dora" invitations to our neighbors last weekend and picked out her cake.  We'll be looking forward to celebrating it with friends/family this weekend (after dance and soccer classes). 
As our gift to Emma, we'll also be celebrating it with a little extra kick by taking her and all of us to the wonderful, magical, most Happiest Place on Earth at Disneyland soon! Hotels and dates are all full swing and reserved. I'm super delighted and excited. Looking forward to creating more special adventures and precious memories!  Lots of love.

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