Good Turn Out

Yesterday's Spaghetti Fundraiser Lunch at Tony's place turned out great! The turn out was pretty good, at pretty much a full house where all the tables were taken.  Thanks to everyone for coming and supporting us. Special thanks to Ramona for organizing this event and to the owners of the restaurant Tony and his wife for the fabulous food and place.  The kids and I had a great time and we just can't thank everyone who came out to support us enough. Our good friends and legacy photographer, Jason and his family also came out and took a few photo shots and as always, we feel so thankful and grateful for his friendship, time and talent.

The raffle was lots of fun and when the one of winners gave the kids her Valentine cupcake winning basket, they were delighted! Thanks to her for the gift to the kids! The kids couldn't wait to start unwrapping it and  start baking cupcakes and muffins. More pictures to share soon.

Kids had Lots of Fun

Other than yesterday's event, the kids had an awesome time this past Saturday too attending one of Ethan's friends Birthday party. After their usual dance, gymnastics and Kumon, we head on over the party. Luckily, my hubby was off and with his help, we had a long full busy day with lots of fun. Here were two pictures of the girls at the party. The kids enjoyed the jumper, the firecrackers, the pinata, and of course, just playing. It was nice to see friends and socialize.  I'm doing good other than the one bony dull ache. Lots of Love.

My Research goes on

For those of you who have Lung cancer or who would like to read more about possible Lung cancer treatments and or more blogs on other cancer blogs, I'd thought I'd share the links and info on what I've read or know about. For a list of many personal cancers blogs, check out http://beingcancer.net/.  This is a great resource for anyone who would like to follow up on any type of cancer personal blogs for hope and inspiration. 

For me, I'm to point that I've exhausted my research on my kind of NSC (Non Small Cell) Lung Cancer treatment since sadly, there's just no cure for it and the only standard treatment is chemo or the miracle pills like Tarceva for those with the EGFR mutation or the latest Xalkori for those with the ALK gene. These two pills are the latest targeted therapy that has given many NSC Lung Cancer miracle remissions or even NED - No Evidence of Disease.  Wouldn't that be great that one day, my Doctor finds out the actual gene that caused my lung cancer and that I too can take a pill to be cancer free?

Hope. Miracle. Research. I was hoping that through my constant reading and research that I'd luckily come across complementary treatments to help stabilize my cancer. But, so far no luck other than adding the Fish Oil to my daily vitamin intake.  But here are some interesting info so far
1. Chinese pearl barley the latest cancer cure http://www.i-sis.org.uk/GCM2.php, there's a company right here in the Bay area, Redwood City call KangLaiTe USA, http://www.kanglaite-usa.com/ that is developing a treatment for solid tumor cancers and for Lung Cancer. It's also holding some clinical trials too.
2. There's the Immunotheraphy approach and some clinical trials on this. I've asked my Onc, Dr. Neal on this and he says's it still research on it. Do a search on Therapeutic Vaccine TG4010 or look at http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT01383148
3. There's the Phase III Lucanix Vaccine Theraphy, it's currently recruiting patients, you can find out about it at http://clinicaltrials.gov/ct2/show/NCT00676507
4.  Of course, there's the "Burzynski" clinic and there's the Gerson Cancer cure, which there are documentaries movies about it that "cured" cancer.  You can watch them on Netflix or Google it.
5. The list goes on and on and so far these are the major one's I've come across and can remember. I've read numerous trials and much more. I even brought a few promising info and trials that I've discussed with my Onc, Dr. Neal too and hopefully one of them will open up at Stanford.

All the best. Lots of Love.

Chemo Yesterday

With my lab counts good, I qualified for my 5th round of chemo yesterday. It uncomfortably burned at first as it was infused in but when the nurse slowed it down, it felt much better. This time though, with just the labs and infusion, it took much longer and we didn't get out of Stanford until close to 11:30. But since I had Ramona to tag along with me to keep me company, it felt fast; especially having her as a carpool buddy too. I can't thank her enough for her friendship, help and company. She's got an incredible heart and her unconditional love, comfort and warmth as well as continued support has been a blessing. What a an angel she is.
Speaking of her, it is because of her efforts that has helped put to this Spaghetti Lunch Fundraiser for us together, which will be this coming Sunday at 12:30. So, please come out and support us for good food and a chance to win some good raffle prizes too! See my previous post for the event location.

Besides her, there's many friends, family, colleagues and many of you supporters that I'd like to thank and continue to feel gratitude for. I'm so very much blessed for everyone's love, prayers and help that has made facing this cancer year with much hope and a little easier.  Endless thanks to everyone!

As for me, I feeling ok and keep actively busy with the kids and everyday errands as usual. Other than little bits of achiness here and there, I'm doing good. I'll be getting a CT scan in 2 weeks or so to see how effective the Gemzar chemo is. I'm optimistically hopeful it will be will good news but I'm catious enough to prepare for anything else too so that I won't get too worked up. Lots of Love.

Trying Fish Oil, Chemo Tomorrow

We had a nice Chinese New Years.  We had a short visit at my parents place where I gave them red envelopes, and also gave some to my brother's and sister's kids. Since we didn't get a chance to stay and eat, my Mom, wrapped us up some of her yummy veggie dishes and fruits for us to bring home. Afterwards, I made a visit to the temple, lighted some incense and said my prayers amidst the crowds. It was nice. Hopefully, the greater powers above hears my prayers of a better year, good health, peace and happiness.
Happy New Year of the Dragon! Here's a picture of me at my temple visit.

Natural Remedies
With this diagnosis, I've become a very educated and knowledgeable "expert" on all there is to know about Non Small Cell Lung Cancer. I've read almost everything I can find about the disease and its treatment. I try to keep updated about the the latest treatments, clinical trials, as well as learn all the different safe, alternative, natural remedies. There are alot of claims and anti cancer regimens out there and so it's a good idea to be skeptical, cautious and make sure it's safe. So far I've tried acupuncture, aloe vera, Chinese herbs and over a short period of several months, have quit them all. Maybe it works for others, but for me, it doesn't work. 

My latest natural anti cancer effort is adding Omega 3s or Fish Oil supplements to add to my daily multi vitamin take. Do a Google search on this and you'll find many Oncologist, personal claims and even proven clinical trial research study done that shows "New research has revealed that daily doses of fish oil for lung cancer patients improve the efficiency of chemotherapy, may contribute to increased survival and help prevent muscle and weight loss that commonly occurs." I just hope that it doesn't make me gain weight or get "fat."
In addition to this, I've also been eating more healthy and drinking lots of all natural 100% pure fruit smoothies, like Alcai berries, carrot juice, blue berry puree and fresh squeeze orange juice daily. As for veggies, I also try to eat lots of green or purple veggies, like broccoli, asparagus, eggplants and such. I hope it works to stabilize the tumors.
Back to Chemo tomorrow
Tomorrow will be another round of chemo. My appointment is again bright and early. I'm glad that my friend Ramona will accompany me. Hopefully my labs will be good and that I qualify for it. Lots of Love.

Rainy Days and heading back to work

It's been so cold and cloudy lately. The needed rain has finally trickled down but it's not pouring so heavy as it should be. Even with the chilly like weather, somehow my kids never like to wear sweaters or jackets nor even blankets at night.  Unlike them, I'm always bundled warm in a jacket, even at home when the heater is on. Perhaps with a weaken immune system and with chemo, I'm always cold or get easily cold. 

Last night as I was catching up on lung cancer info, I came across a few other cancer information. I realized that no matter what type of cancer someone has, once you have advanced, metastasized non curable, terminal cancer, the pains, the sorrows, the sadness is the same. My sadness has grown to more acceptance of my untimely fate. I know that in life, all of us are terminal and that death is apart of the circle of life. It's still hard to face it though knowing that my time here is still too short to head down this unexpected path. With my kids still so young, having this cancer diagnoses feels unjust and incomplete since I need to be here to teach, protect and raise my kids into responsible, mature, successful adults.

With this, I've also been thinking that hopefully when and if I'm not here, that my kids will have another "motherly" figure later to help care, watch over, protect and teach my kids since every kid deserves a loving mother to help guide them through the growing years. If not, I'm hoping my family and some good, close friends will step in and help be apart of their lives, providing good role models for them to look after.

Work
On this note, next month will be the exact 1 year anniversary of my diagnosis. It'll also be a time that I'd also have to return back to work so that I can continue to have my medical and insurance benefits or else we'd loose it all.  Returning back to work, it's been a topic that I'm so ambivalent about. On the one hand, besides the benefits, I also do want so much to lead a "normal" life with a job. Many lung cancer survivors do eventually head back to work to lead full, normal lives.  On the other hand, with this cancer, my purpose now is to spend all my time with my kids and family. Kids grow up so fast and my time now is so precious with them, that I can't just simply look the other way and focus on work. Time. It's the only thing I can cling onto to have more off.  But, the trick I've learned with benefits is that once I do return back to work, I can always head back out onto another medical leave if needed, and things would reset back like it was and I wouldn't have to lose out on the benefits.  I'm glad to know this and so I'm sort of looking back to being a contributor and working again. Wish me well. Lots of Love.

Happy Chinese New Year's or Tet

Chinese New Year's is coming this Jan 23, 2012, the year of the water Dragon! We wish everyone a Happy New year full of happiness, good fortune and good health! It's a big holiday for us all as we welcome a new year with family and lots of good food. I remember it was around Chinese New Year's last year that I became really ill and couldn't believe what was happening to me. It's been a tumultuous year and hopefully this year will be much more "normal" with much calmness and joy.

Yesterday, I did qualify for the Gemzar chemo after 3 long, bruising pokes from the nurse. Along the drive to Stanford though, while nicely conversing with my good friend, Ramona who accompanied me along to my appointment, I experienced "chemo" fog or chemo brain where I forgot the exit and almost ended up heading to San Mateo. Luckily, Ramona reminded that we missed the exit or else I would have been really late.

Argh, chemo. While I sitting there getting the chemo infusion, I just couldn't help but always wish, think and envision that I really shouldn't be here, that I wish I was in good health again so that I can optimistically look forward to growing with my kids and living a full, fun "normal" life without  the headaches, pains of cancer. Wouldn't that be great that somehow my cancer suddenly just disappeared? Simultaneous remission. This does in rare cases, does miraculously happen. But, I won't hold on to that false hope because in reality, I know my body is slowly being broken down by the millions of cancer cells that will eventually lead to death if chemo or all the drugs out there fail.

PBS Lung Cancer Special: A Breathe of Hope
A good friend told me about this special program that aired recently on PBS. You can watch it online here at
http://www.lungcancer.org/reading/. It's a well documentary on the faces and facets of Lung Cancer and discusses the hope of the latest targeted therapy treatments. All of which are the treatments that I've already undergone through and now I am on the standard chemo treatment. 

A Reminder, My Spaghetti Fundraiser is Jan 29, 12:30PM
Just a reminder to attend this special Spaghetti Lunch Fundraiser.

It's located on N. First St, just 1 mile North of Hwy 237.

Lunch with Tony

5202 N First Street

San Jose, CA 95002

PURCHASE TICKETS IN ADVANCE:

$20 for adults

$6 for kids (3 to 12 yrs)

Purchase Advance Tickets Online at: fawnlee.eventbrite.com

Lunch will consist of spaghetti, salad, garlic bread, dessert and beverage.

There will also be a raffle of GREAT donated prizes

Chemo Tomorrow

Lately I've been feeling just a bit weak and can feel bits of dull bone pain as well as the rattling in my lung. It's hard to tell what whether its the chemo or the cancer making me feel weak as chemo does suppress my bone marrow. It could be both. Living with Lung cancer, it's hard and things can change unexpectedly. I'm keeping busy as usual with the everyday errands and kids activity despite the bits of nagging bone pain. I'll be going back to Stanford tomorrow for the usual blood draws, Dr. Neal appointment and chemo infusion tomorrow early first thing in the morning. Depending on my blood counts, I may or may not get the Gemzar chemo. Hopefully I get it so that it can help fight off the tumors.

Kids so Attached
 Since I've been home with the kids for this year, the girls have been so super attached to me and it's hard to get away for just small amounts of time or errands without them crying and looking for me for the whole time I'm gone. I'm worried about them as always on their well being and care if I'm not here. Unlucky for us, my family isn't much help with the kids nor can offer to care for them. My nanny does try to console them to calm them down but sometimes all they want is either Mommy or Daddy. The constant non stop hour long screaming and crying, it can drive all of us crazy. It's easy though for me to fall trap to their cries of attachment, but it's good for them to build confidence to be on their own with another care giver.

Dance & Gymnastics
This past weekend, the girls started their tap/ballet class and Ethan did his gymnastics class. They loved it. I'm glad they like it as it's a great way for them to get some physical exercise and get out of the house. Although we do almost daily walks with the dogs, they still get a bit bored at home, always wanting to watch cartoons on my Ipad or TV.  It's great they are liking their classes.

Another friend lost to Lung Cancer 
Since I can't always regularly attend the Stanford Cancer support group nor the Living Room http://jglcf.org/LungCancerLivingRoomo.aspx , I do follow along a few Lung cancer survivors blogs as a way to stay connected to those with the same lung cancer as me. I'm sad to learn that Rob lost his battle recently. His journey at http://rkmoore.wordpress.com/ is heartbreakingly well written and touching.  It's maddening that Lung Cancer takes away so many lives. My small world of Lung cancer survivors who  has given me hope is dwindling. It's a harsh reality and reminder to me that one day Lung cancer will take its toll on me too.
But for now, let's keep up hopes and prayers that I'll be here as long as I can, for the kids sake.
Other than bits of aches here and there, I'm doing well. Lots of Love.

Waiting and Walking

This week is my week off chemo but I was off to see my other Dr, my OBGYN for my annual checkup. I had an early 9:30 appointment but while I was there, the wait seemed long, way too long. Waiting. This seems to be the case at almost all Doctor appointments. First I wait to be called in and then while in a patient's room, I wait again for almost another 20 minutes. I almost dozed off waiting. Good thing I'm used to being patient and waiting around. But, while sitting there, in a way it seems sort of a waste of time, sitting there, doing nothing but wait. I guess I'm more of the type A personality where I'm used to getting things done, quickly and timely. Another reason I just didn't like waiting for so long and wasting precious time, is mostly me being used to the ever demanding, dutiful, serving, busy Mom of three little ones, that waiting that long, in an empty room with nothing to read on hand and doing absolutely nothing, wearing an almost naked gown, seemed just too quiet and unusual. Time, nowadays is so very important and ever more precious and I'm so keen on making valuable use of it. By the time I was done, it was 11 AM and then, I rushed full force to the usual demands of the kids, errands, school drop offs and pick ups.

Walking Dogs,  Kids
The weather in the past weeks this winter has been so nice that it's doesn't even feel like winter. I love it. Although we do desperately need rain, I really am enjoying the Spring like weather.  It's been so nice that I've gotten around to walking the kids on the double stroller with the dogs. We walk atleast for 20 minutes around the neighborhood and it's great. The dogs love it and I do too. The girls love it too as it's soothing for Emma to drift off onto her afternoon nap.

All is well with me and the family. Lots of Love.

 

Lots of Reading Done

Now that we have a full time nanny helping us for the most part 5 days a week, I've had a bit more time to enjoy reading lots of good reading material. So far I've read almost 3 books and I'm just loving it. I did finally read Ruth Picardie's "Before I say Good bye" and it was a quick, sad read about her short battle of breast cancer. Although I don't have the same cancer as her, reading her book and learning of how she handled her journey really made me see how fragile and precious life is. Cancer, happens and can happen to anyone. She dealt with her journey so bravely and with so much wit, and honesty. Its tragic that terminal cancer happens to us young Moms with young kids since every kids deserves a lifetime of happiness and memories to grow with their Moms.

I'm reading some other good books such as Joan Didion's "The Year of Magical Thinking" and Andew X. Pham's "Catfish and Mandala". Both books, beautifully written. Pham's book is magnificent in that he is such a poetic, eloquent writer, writing about his incredible journey through Vietnam on a bike. Through his stories, I learned and get to experience the travels of Vietnam. His stories sort make up for me being not able to travel back to my home country where I was born.

Speaking of travels, I've been dreamily envisioning traveling the world, being on nice holiday or vacations with my family.  Most people with terminal illness usually do take time off to travel the world in their final months or years of life. That would be wonderful if I can travel back to Vietnam and other countries. But, reality comes in and I, we, the kids, can't. With the kids in school and with my weekly chemo sessions, it's highly unlikely that we can. It's alright though, as to me, it's not the places that we go to that is important, but it's the quality of time we have with each other that counts. I'm just as happy being at home with the kids, helping them with homework and hanging out with them.

Chemo went well
So this past Wed, I did get my weekly Gemzar chemo in. My lab counts were good and I did get my 4th round of chemo. I also even went to the Lung Cancer Support group meeting. As usual, I'm the only young face with Lung Cancer, but glad to know that I have a group of people who are going through the same things, and talk the same language as me.

All in all, I'm doing good. The kids are well too. Lots of Love.

New Years Resolution

The kids' winter break is over. It's now back to the routine school days and activities. During the break, we did many fun outings with the kids. Besides the zoo, the kids went to see the movies for the first time and also to Golfland for the first time. We saw Arthur Christmas which wasn't such a good movie. The girls didn't particulary like it either since they're at still into lovely of fairy princesses and cartoons that has lots of singing, which the movie had none off. Ethan was the only one who enjoyed the movie experience. Overall, it was just nice that we all were off from either school or work and had time for us to be together as a family, creating precious memories.

Lately, we've been spending more quality time with my sister and her family as well. This past weekend, we all got to hang out with her and her 2 young kids. We had breakfast at a local place and head off to play at Santanna Row.  It was really nice. I'm glad my kids and her kids are getting to know each more and spending more of our down time together. Here were some pictures from that day.

 

For this 2012, my new year's resolution is to continue to spend quality time with my kids, family and friends. I hope the cancer continues to be stable and of course, continue to hope, pray and dream for shrinkage and or remission. Here's to good health, happiness and to more family time.

Chemo tomorrow
Last week, I had chemo and now it's a week later and it's back to chemo again tomorrow. My cough, cold and congestion is almost completely gone now, thanks to antibiotics. Hopefully, my counts will be good and I'll get another session in. Wish me well. Lots of Love.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!
2011, it's been a tough year. A year full of fear, angst, shock, disbelief, hope and love. Forced to quickly learn how to adapt to the new lung cancer life, I still feel robbed of a "normal" life most mid 30 year old moms of a three young kids go through. The lens I live through each day is now so vastly different of most average, vibrant busy, seemingly healthy moms go through as when you are faced with cancer, especially terminal, metastatic cancer, life as you know it, instantly changes. My hopes, my dreams, my visions of me growing with the kids and my husband through the growing years, through old age, just are mere shadowed dreams now. It's sad. Sad with the loss of the promise of endless tomorrows and plans for the future. 
But little by little, with the support of family, coworkers, friends, you, I've mustered strength to keep on fighting with bits of hope,and to be thankful for the beautiful gift of time, life and love with my kids and family and friends. Having cancer, I've learned to see and value things with a much deepened sense of appreciation and gratitude. I've learn to treasure all the hugs, the kisses, and the hard work of raising my kids. It's been almost a year that I've been a diagnosed with cancer, and ever since the Drs heartbreakingly gave me orders to get my "affairs in order", I'm glad I've had this whole year to celebrate the everyday moments with my kids and family.  I'm glad to wake up to sunny skies and feeling the love of my kids. Having cancer, I've gain to keenly admire all the beauty of life that profoundly surrounds me.
So here's to continue stability and hopefully remission in 2012. Happy New Year.

Spaghetti Fundraiser
Thanks to my good friend, Ramona has organized this Spaghetti Lunch fundraiser as a way to help us with my continue treatment, copays and deductibles.  Please come meet me, show your support and have lunch with us. The event will be held on Sunday, Jan 29 at 12:30 PM. It's called Lunch with Tony. The restaurant is located at 5202 N First Street, San Jose, CA. You can get your advance tickets at http://fawnlee.eventbrite.com/. Hope you can come support us.