Changes

I can't believe summer's over and it's already Fall. Time sure flies by fast when I'm busy with the kids and completing the day to day house work, like cooking and errands. I love this weather since the leaves change colors, and the weather is nice and cool. October's already here and we have to start planning for Halloweeen and getting the kids costumes, but if they can still fit their last year's costumes, we may try to skip getting new ones.

Lately, I've been feeling a little better but I can hear the crackling, raspiness of my right lung's cancer as I breathe in and out. It bothers and scares me. I already went to see my primary care doctor about it and also told my oncologist about it  Aside from this, my back aches too and I've been feeling this cold watery dripply feeling on my right chest side. It's an odd feeling and perhaps its neurological or it could be due to the numbing scar tissues from the various chest tubes, catheter and cardio window surgeries I had done due to the malignant cancer in my right lung. I try not to think too much about it or else I end up worrying and stressing about it too much and it ruins my day.

Mostly, I focus on the good things I have now and the things I can control although the topic of mortality is an ever constant lingering thought that often comes to mind.  As I read more and learn more of lung cancer, it saddens me that there's no cure, only treatment to try to extend your life expectancy and that what I have is terminal. Everywhere I go, I see semmingly healthy people, healthy parents and such picking up and or caring for the kids and I, for that matter, can only take one day at time and can only hope for the very best. Life is precious and I have to grateful for every moment I have to spend with my kids.

I wish I have more time and energy to be a more spoken advocate to raise more awareness of the deadly disease of lung cancer by joining Lung Cancer Alliance raise money, be apart of many Lung cancer support groups, participate in walks/marathons and such so that research can be funded to find a cure, but with young kids, my time and energy is limited. The one way that I can help has been to be apart of the few clinical trial studies at Stanford, to allow them to collect samples, like blood and such tissues, DNA so that research can gather data to better understand how to effectively treat it and or detect it.

Since joining of the lung cancer support group at Stanford, I've learned that so far, 2 people in the group has passed away from the disease. It's a sad reality of this disease and my prayers and hearts go out to the families.

For now, I'm glad I'm starting to feel better.  I'll be getting a CT scan in a few weeks and as usual, hope and pray for the very best results. Let's keep up our hopes and hearts.