Gemzar chemo, Pumpkins, Family Time

First Gemzar Chemo Treatment this Week

Wow, this week has came and gone by so fast. Like always, I think I got alot done and accomplished this week. I had my first chemo regiment this past Wed with Gemzar at Stanford. The wait was forever though and I felt bad that my Dad had to sit all day long, waiting around with me. My Dad came to pick me up around 12 PM and we didn't get back home until late 7PM. That's half a day of sitting and waiting. I'm glad he came to help support me though. But now that I made it through the Gemzar chemo, I think I can handle driving myself there and back so that it's just not a burden on anyone's shoulders and time. Time is so important and so meaningful to me nowawdays that I don't take it for granted and treasure every moment and not waste it slumbering around sitting all day doing nothing. I am a Mom on a mission, always in action to squeeze in as much quality time and tasks done as much as possible as quick as possible for the love of my kids.

While I waited, I try to multitask by catching on emails, reading on the latest treatment research, registering for the kids classes or activities as well as got set up with an appointment for acunpuncture. I got alot of little things accomplished that I most likely never had time to do if I had been home taking care of the kids and housework.

Overall, the Gemzar treatment went pretty smooth and so far so good for this first time go. But, I know through a few more rounds, I'll most likely start to feel the "poisonous" effects of it and I'm worried about what could potentially happen, like bone pain, tiredness, fatigue, fevers, chills and such other effects due to low blood counts. So to help us out, my old nanny who worked for us in the past for almost 2 years, has agreed to come back to be our day nanny. I'm glad to have her come back to help us out. Hopefully, it'll work out as she knows us and the kids really well in terms of ours and the kids likes.

Last weekend, as a treat and gift to Emma's 2nd Birthday, we the took the kids to see Disney's Treasure Trove. It was our first time to see a Disney on Ice show and they absolutely loved it. It brings so much joy to see how happy and in awe they were. Moments like these as a family outing is just priceless. This weekend, we'll be taking them to Santa Cruz Roaring Camp Train ride.  Thanks to our good friends Kim and Eric, who got in touch of Donna to donate to us the Train tickets and even a little bit of spending dollars for the kids to get some toys at the gift store, we're so greatful  for her gift. The kids will have so much fun. Thanks so much Donna and to Kim for thinking of it and coordinating it.
Well, there's more to share..more later. Gotta get some sleep. Lots of Love and keep us in your prayers.

Well, there's more to share..more later. Gotta get some sleep. Lots of Love and keep us in your prayers.

CT Results, New Treatment Plan: Gemzar

 

After about 4 months of taking the daily Tarceva treatment pill, as of Wednesday, Oct 19, I am no longer taking it. I'm done with that treatment for now. I knew about a month ago that it wasn't effective anymore as I was starting to feel the dull bone aches, back ache, the hot flashes, tingling needling feeling in arms, legs and just about everywhere.  My latest CT scan taken from this past Tuesday, Oct 18, 2011 showed some more overall "lymphangitic progression spread". My Onc reviewed the scans over with me and discussed some possible chemo treatment for me to start next week. It's awful to see all the little new tumor spots all over my right lung. My Onc even shed some tears with me as we talked about my worry of my kids and my wish to continue to keep fighting this for my kids sake. He says he'll keep on fighting for everyday for me to find and or change the right treatment to shrink and or stabilize this disease. He's great and so human. 

Back to Chemo: Gemzar or Gemcitabine chemotherapy through IV vein

For now before I start my next 3rd line of treatment, I'll have to let me body "wash out" the Tarceva for about a week before I start back on chemo which will be next Wednesday. Gemzar (gemcitabine) is the chemo that I'll be on. So now back to the chemo infusion. I'll have to get this once a week for 2 weeks with 3rd week off. Like any chemo, it'll be hard on my immune system and my body. I'm worried about how tired I may get since Gemzar can suppress bone marrow function, which causes low blood cell (Red, White, Platelets) counts.  The good thing is that Gemzar, I've been told is that it's well tolerated and slightly "easier" to handle than many other chemo regimen.  I hope this chemo will be as easy as the first line of chemo cocktails that I had undergone and that it works effectively to keep the tumors stable or shrink them.

Preschool
I'm still feeling good and keeping busy with the kids. Ellen, my 3 year old has been home with me for 2 weeks and will resume her new preschool next week. Her last preschool was just too long for her since she was there full time and we're happy now that we found a MWF 9-12 schedule that will make us all happy. Ethan's finishing up Sylan learning and will also start a new Kumon program soon too in November.  The kids are doing well. They're keeping up their daily nightly prayers for me to get better as well.

Our party for Emma went well. We had lots of food and was glad to see our friends. As always, keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Lots of Love.

Side Effects

 It's already Friday and this weekend, we will be hosting Emma's 2 years old Birthday Party combined with our Housewarming party. There's lots to do and I have to get it all done today, like order cake and food and clean. Well, tidy up and mop. We have the cleaners come to clean after the party next week for real deep cleaning. It'll be nice to see family and friends. A few friends already said they can't make it and so I hope more of our friends will come. Being a full time Mom nowadays and not having a nanny, my time is filled with caring for the kids and I have no time to catch up with friends or do much else.
What's also exciting is that our back yard will finally be pretty much done. We're so excited to  finally start hanging outside! Our yard was just a big, dry flat area of plain dirt and nothing had been done to it prior. It's disappointing that the previous owners did absolutely nothing to the yard. No plants. No flowers. No shade. Nothing. So, well, now there will life in the yard, lots of it. Tomorrow, we plan on going to the nearest garden nursery to get some trees, shrubs, flowers, fruit trees and vines for our gardeners to plant. We're also planning to grow a vegetable garden. At some point, perhaps next year, we'll get a play structure put in for the kids. I'll post some pics of out yard once it done.

Side effects
Lately, the side of effects of Tarceva are really kicking in. My hair is starting to thin out. It's not in clumps, but slowly. Some if it easily falls off through showering, brushing and even running my fingers through it. Thank goodness my hair is thick and so it's not noticeable yet. Also, aside from the dry skin and rash here and there, the tips of my finger tips and soles of my feet, they're starting to feel numb, neuropathy is the term. I've been on Tarceva since July and so that makes it 4 months so far on it. Hopefully the next CT scan will show good news that the tumors are shrinking. Right now, I'm waiting for insurance approval for my next CT scan which is supposed to be soon since I'm seeing my Onc, Dr. Neal next Wed. Also, I sometimes get dull headaches from day to day. Overall, I'm feeling and doing well. My stamina is good although the kids do wear me out.

Other than the day the day routines, all is well. We got a call from one of our good nanny, the one we loved and she said she'd be willing to help us at some point when we need it. She's a live in nanny from Monday to Friday and is full of energy and knows the kids needs and wants. She was a big help when I was working and got diagnosed. I'm glad we have some possible nannies to call on hand when we need it. Right now, I'm just so thankful that I'm well enough to care for the kids and spend every precious moment with them.
Thanks for all your support, love, prayers, thoughts and notes. Keep writing as I do look forward to your encouraging comments and thoughts. Lots of love.

Live Everyday as If it's your Last

Shocked. Sad. Very sad. Loss. These were the emotions that hit hard when I learned of Steve Job's death. He was such a extraordinary visionary, pioneer of all the modern magic of Apple and its products. What a tragic loss to the world. I once worked for Apple for about 3 years and even though I never met him, I'm an forever grateful for all he has done and created for the world. It was an amazing 3 years that I worked there. So much innovation. So much energy. And of course, alot of hard work and long hours and even weekends working.  But, I'm so glad I worked there. In so many ways,Steve Jobs, Apple, touched our hearts with all the awe, beauty, ease, and innovative of modern gadgets that we can't simply live without.  Everything he has done, even his words, his commencement speech at Stanford was a gift. In his amazing speech, he clearly shares his wisdom and guidance to us all. You can read his speech at http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

In his speech, he shares 3 great stories. Stories to guide and live your life by. It's such a brilliant speech. He says "No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. "

I read his speech over and over again. He's so right about life and death, about living life, following your own heart and doing what you love. I have to remind myself to treasure all the simplest, beauty of life sometimes and not get so overcome with worrying about everything. I have to focus on the now and the life that surrounds me. Death is apart of life.  But, Steve Jobs is right when he says no one wants to die. And so, faced with I have, I have to keep on the march of life, keep on doing what makes me happy and keep on doing the normalness to make my kids and family happy. 

Hot Sweats, Flashes
Back to me and my health update. I'm doing ok but now I frequently get hot flashes and hot moments of bursting, bubbly dry hot sweats needling throughout my body. I'm wondering if it's the cancer that spreading. It's so uncomfortable and at every moment as I get it, almost immediately, I have to find anyway I can for a burst of cold air or fan. It's awful. For being 35 years old, with the cancer, it's making me double in age and I feel like an elderly lady whose bones and back ache. It's no fun.  But, I have to keep trenching on and giving, and living. Keep on fighting. Keep up hope. So, let's all keep on praying for the best.

Changes

I can't believe summer's over and it's already Fall. Time sure flies by fast when I'm busy with the kids and completing the day to day house work, like cooking and errands. I love this weather since the leaves change colors, and the weather is nice and cool. October's already here and we have to start planning for Halloweeen and getting the kids costumes, but if they can still fit their last year's costumes, we may try to skip getting new ones.

Lately, I've been feeling a little better but I can hear the crackling, raspiness of my right lung's cancer as I breathe in and out. It bothers and scares me. I already went to see my primary care doctor about it and also told my oncologist about it  Aside from this, my back aches too and I've been feeling this cold watery dripply feeling on my right chest side. It's an odd feeling and perhaps its neurological or it could be due to the numbing scar tissues from the various chest tubes, catheter and cardio window surgeries I had done due to the malignant cancer in my right lung. I try not to think too much about it or else I end up worrying and stressing about it too much and it ruins my day.

Mostly, I focus on the good things I have now and the things I can control although the topic of mortality is an ever constant lingering thought that often comes to mind.  As I read more and learn more of lung cancer, it saddens me that there's no cure, only treatment to try to extend your life expectancy and that what I have is terminal. Everywhere I go, I see semmingly healthy people, healthy parents and such picking up and or caring for the kids and I, for that matter, can only take one day at time and can only hope for the very best. Life is precious and I have to grateful for every moment I have to spend with my kids.

I wish I have more time and energy to be a more spoken advocate to raise more awareness of the deadly disease of lung cancer by joining Lung Cancer Alliance raise money, be apart of many Lung cancer support groups, participate in walks/marathons and such so that research can be funded to find a cure, but with young kids, my time and energy is limited. The one way that I can help has been to be apart of the few clinical trial studies at Stanford, to allow them to collect samples, like blood and such tissues, DNA so that research can gather data to better understand how to effectively treat it and or detect it.

Since joining of the lung cancer support group at Stanford, I've learned that so far, 2 people in the group has passed away from the disease. It's a sad reality of this disease and my prayers and hearts go out to the families.

For now, I'm glad I'm starting to feel better.  I'll be getting a CT scan in a few weeks and as usual, hope and pray for the very best results. Let's keep up our hopes and hearts.