Update

1.5 Months on Tarceva

  By now, I've been on Tarceva for about 6 weeks and I'm feeling the effects of it.  Other than the acne like rash on my face and legs, I'm feeling a bit more tired and achy and my appetite is half it used to be. Still food doesn't taste as good as it used to. Most foods tastes more bland and starchy for me but I still try to eat on schedule or else I end up being super hungry and then run very low on energy.

I just saw my oncologist, Dr. Neal 2 days ago and he says so far so good and wants me to be on it for another 3 weeks. By the end of the month, I'm scheduled for another CT scan and we'll see how effective Tarceva is. I'm hoping it works and is the miracle drug that will shrink all my cancerous tumors away.

  So far since I've been on Tarceva, the fluid in my right lung chest wall has dramatically dried up! This is such great news for me as I've been hoping for this since April. It has dried up so much that all my doctors, Oncologist, Radiologist, and Pulmonologist all agreed it was time for me to remove the Pleurex cathetor that was inserted under my skin in my right side. I was very nervous about removing it as I worry about it possibly coming back up. I hope it doesn't and that I continue to get better and Tarceva continues to be effective.

Asking for more time

A few weeks ago, I met with an old friend who is an ER doctor and a patient of hers who was recently diagnosed with the same stage 4 non small cell lung cancer as me. We went out to lunch and it was really sad to see other Asian young non smoking moms like me have to endure the shock, anger, loss, sadness and numbness that you feel when you're suddenly given this dire terminal diagnosis.  I listened to her tell her story and treatment and its unreal that both her and I have this cancer.  There isn't a day that go by that I'm not sadden by my condition and like her, I'm still in shock as to how I got this terminal illness. The key question she kept asking and was mainly concerned about was time. How much time does she have? How much time do any of us have?

This question of time is really hard to answer as we all don't know how much time each of us have on this earth, sick or not. Life is fragile and nothing is for certain or guaranteed. But then again, when you're diagnosed with this terminal cancer, it's scary and the statistics are stacked against you.  Like her and many patients facing cancer, coping and going through all the treatments is scary. I worry about how much time I have too.  In my prayers, I'm always asking and bargaining for more time. I can't fathom ever having to say good bye to my precious kids and family.  It's hard to process and accept, but for me, I have to keep calm, have hope and stay positive. Hope and pray for the very best as well as plan for the worst.

I have to celebrate life and enjoy every moment as best as I can. It's hard, but I have try to live life as normal and as much joy as much as possible without allowing all the negative, sad emotions and worry overcome me. So, let's keep up our prayers and hope for the miracle cure!