Since my prognosis, I've been spending every minute with my kids and loving it. The laughter and happiness as I see them play, sleep, bathe, eat and talk to one another brings so much joy. By the end of the day when they are all tired, when I tuck them to bed, and hear them say, "I love you Mommy. I love you very much", I just can't help but pray, hope, and wish for more days like this.
Its also so sad to hear my 2 older kids tell me when they hear me cough, "Mommy, go see the Doctor, and get better, Ok, Mommy?" Or have them gently pat my back and say, "Mommy's sick, Mommy go rest, and get well, ok?" Hearing these words everyday, it is just unreal that I have this terminal illness and can't accept that my kids may gow up without me.
Tears swell my eyes and my heart hurts when I think that this may be the last year that I have left to spend with them since my Doctor says that I may only have ONE year left. It's hard to accept this and I can't accept it! No words can't explain the pain, hurt and suffering having to live with this. My kids have to yet to understand any of this. To them, they are estactic to have mommy be home. How can any mom ever have to explain this to them? What would anyone do with this devasting news? What would you do if you are told that may only have only months left to live?
In the beginning I was so angry and hurt and wondered so many questions like, "How can this be when all my life, I've been a really good, loving, caring person and have only worked hard for all the things I've earned, like good grades, graduated college with honors, ate healthy, never smoked, never did drugs and excercised? And why did the doctors just recently discovered that I have lung cancer and that it's at such an agressive, late stage that it's terminal?
Life is so unfair! Its heartbreaking and sad that my prognosis is so grim. My doctor today says he doesn't know what caused my cancer. All the genetic targeted testing so far shows that I don't have many of the genetic mutations, like EGFR or ALK; so miracle drugs that expand one's life expectancy, like Tarceva wouldn't work be effective. He's ruled out bad genes and that's its not genetic.He doesn't think its environmental either since I am not a smoker, don't hang around second smoke, and doesn't live in an area where its known to have high levels of radon. There's just no rhyme or reason and no simple answers to what caused my cancer.
I hope with prayers, support and prayers from everyone, including the community as well as family and friends, that we can achieve remission and stop the spread of my cancer. Please pray for us, pray for my health and recovery.Pray for a miracle!
Many thanks for all your support and prayers.
Hugs,
Fawn
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Dream Foundation: Applying
DREAM FOUNDATION
I am finally starting my applications for assistance again. With the moving and caring of my kids, and now that we have a nanny, I can now take some time to begin my applications again. One of the application is to the Dream Foundation, http://www.dreamfoundation.org/. It is such a great non profit organization. The name states exactly what it is all about. "Dream Foundation fulfills dreams for adults battling life-threatening illness" as it states on its website. Oh, I am so happy to have discovered this organization!
I can't wait to get this started today and to get it completed ASAP!
I just have to really think hard what it is that is my dream. Hmm, is it taking the kids to Disneyland or Disneyworld? Yup! That is probably it! My husband and I always plan on taking the kids there in the summer. So, hopefully, this summer we can! So, let's wish and hopefully our dreams will come true!
I am finally starting my applications for assistance again. With the moving and caring of my kids, and now that we have a nanny, I can now take some time to begin my applications again. One of the application is to the Dream Foundation, http://www.dreamfoundation.org/. It is such a great non profit organization. The name states exactly what it is all about. "Dream Foundation fulfills dreams for adults battling life-threatening illness" as it states on its website. Oh, I am so happy to have discovered this organization!
I can't wait to get this started today and to get it completed ASAP!
I just have to really think hard what it is that is my dream. Hmm, is it taking the kids to Disneyland or Disneyworld? Yup! That is probably it! My husband and I always plan on taking the kids there in the summer. So, hopefully, this summer we can! So, let's wish and hopefully our dreams will come true!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Trying Natural remedy - Aloe Vera & Ganoderma! Hope for Cancer Cure
Aloe Vera - Lots of Promise!
Lately, even though I am super busy running around with the kids, driving them to grandparents, running errands and or buying milk or groceries, I still have aches, pains, coughs, stomache ache, some slight headache, my head hurts, and even my vision has slightly decreased. I hope these are all side effects of chemo and the fatigue feeling will get better and the pain doesn't get worse.
Well, by a GOD sent, a friend of a friend, who we have never met, called me and introduced me to a very nice family who grows and makes Aloe Vera. This kind "teacher" told me of the miracles Aloe Vera offers and showed me how to drink it and promises it will do miracles to cure my cancer. So, today, I had my first sips of all natural Aloe Vera! It tastes alright, not too bad.
Do a search Aloe Vera and cancer and this is what many has said it does:
"It is in the boosting of the immune system's response to antigens (foreign elements in the body) that Aloe vera has shown the most promise in treating cancer. Although no one is yet proposing that Aloe vera is a cure for cancer, it is clear from research conducted throughout the world over the past thirty years that Aloe vera and, in particular, certain specific substances in the plant - have very dramatic and impressive anti-cancer effects. Aloe vera has been demonstrated to enhance the immune system's response to cancer, promote the growth of new and healthy cells, and reduce the overall viral load within the body thereby revitalizing the body in its fight against the cancer."
Many people who I've met told me of the miracles of Aloe Vera too and I am so greatful and thankful this family and friend has given this to us. I will keep drinking this everyday and have lots of hope this will be the cure!
Chinese Herbal Remedy
So aside from Aloe Vera, many kind people have also told us to try many other natural herbal remedies. This is some of them and we may try this one at some point when at a herbal store.
Lately, even though I am super busy running around with the kids, driving them to grandparents, running errands and or buying milk or groceries, I still have aches, pains, coughs, stomache ache, some slight headache, my head hurts, and even my vision has slightly decreased. I hope these are all side effects of chemo and the fatigue feeling will get better and the pain doesn't get worse.
Well, by a GOD sent, a friend of a friend, who we have never met, called me and introduced me to a very nice family who grows and makes Aloe Vera. This kind "teacher" told me of the miracles Aloe Vera offers and showed me how to drink it and promises it will do miracles to cure my cancer. So, today, I had my first sips of all natural Aloe Vera! It tastes alright, not too bad.
Do a search Aloe Vera and cancer and this is what many has said it does:
"It is in the boosting of the immune system's response to antigens (foreign elements in the body) that Aloe vera has shown the most promise in treating cancer. Although no one is yet proposing that Aloe vera is a cure for cancer, it is clear from research conducted throughout the world over the past thirty years that Aloe vera and, in particular, certain specific substances in the plant - have very dramatic and impressive anti-cancer effects. Aloe vera has been demonstrated to enhance the immune system's response to cancer, promote the growth of new and healthy cells, and reduce the overall viral load within the body thereby revitalizing the body in its fight against the cancer."
Many people who I've met told me of the miracles of Aloe Vera too and I am so greatful and thankful this family and friend has given this to us. I will keep drinking this everyday and have lots of hope this will be the cure!
Chinese Herbal Remedy
So aside from Aloe Vera, many kind people have also told us to try many other natural herbal remedies. This is some of them and we may try this one at some point when at a herbal store.
1.Prescription:Prunella, seaweed, kelp, raw oysters, stone see through, Xu Changqing, 30 grams, Dan 9 grams, 15 grams of Trichosanthes, habitat, wild chrysanthemum, Vaccaria child, iron leaves, Shu Yang Quan, Wang Jiangnan, Houttuynia, dandelion, 30 grams each. Shuijianbi day one.Functions: detoxification, OPHTHALMOLOGY.
2. Ganoderma: Which I am also taking. I hope this helps too. This tastes like sweet green tea.
Often used as an immune stimulant by people with cancer (as well as HIV), ganoderma has been shown to strengthen immunity as well as combat cancer-cell proliferation. In a 2003 study of 34 people with advanced-stage cancer, for instance, taking ganoderma in supplement form three times daily for 12 weeks led to a significant increase in T-cells (known to play a central role in immune defense).
3. Vietnamese Natural Herbal Remedy "Thuốc Bắc"
My brother also gave another vietnamese natural herbal remedy to try. I will have to find the exact name first and read about it. This is also promising since many who have taken it, even those with late advance stage cancer have reported their cancer dissapearing within six months! This is an expensive natural herbal remedy.
Right now, I feel like I have to try these alternative herbal remedies since its all natural and can only hope they do a miracle along with the modern targeted Chemotherapy . I will discuss this with my Doctor this coming week about these herbal remedies. I will also asked him about how lately my head sorta hurts and how my vision is slightly decreasing and hope its nothing to worry about. I already had a MRI done two months ago as well as a spinal Lumbar puncture where the Dr took out spinal fluid to test for brain metastastize and the results were inconclusiive or negative. So, I really really hope that this is still true.
Let's Pray for a Miracle!
Everyday, let's pray for a miracle to happen. Its still shocking that I have this diagnosis. I try not to cry and tear up when I think about my prognosis. It just can't be so! It can't be it! I have so much to live for, especially my three little young kids who I need to care for and to raise into independent, loving, successful adults! Each day I wake up I am thankful for that day and hope to have many more days ahead. I have to fight this! Let's hope for the best!
Often used as an immune stimulant by people with cancer (as well as HIV), ganoderma has been shown to strengthen immunity as well as combat cancer-cell proliferation. In a 2003 study of 34 people with advanced-stage cancer, for instance, taking ganoderma in supplement form three times daily for 12 weeks led to a significant increase in T-cells (known to play a central role in immune defense).
3. Vietnamese Natural Herbal Remedy "Thuốc Bắc"
My brother also gave another vietnamese natural herbal remedy to try. I will have to find the exact name first and read about it. This is also promising since many who have taken it, even those with late advance stage cancer have reported their cancer dissapearing within six months! This is an expensive natural herbal remedy.
Right now, I feel like I have to try these alternative herbal remedies since its all natural and can only hope they do a miracle along with the modern targeted Chemotherapy . I will discuss this with my Doctor this coming week about these herbal remedies. I will also asked him about how lately my head sorta hurts and how my vision is slightly decreasing and hope its nothing to worry about. I already had a MRI done two months ago as well as a spinal Lumbar puncture where the Dr took out spinal fluid to test for brain metastastize and the results were inconclusiive or negative. So, I really really hope that this is still true.
Let's Pray for a Miracle!
Everyday, let's pray for a miracle to happen. Its still shocking that I have this diagnosis. I try not to cry and tear up when I think about my prognosis. It just can't be so! It can't be it! I have so much to live for, especially my three little young kids who I need to care for and to raise into independent, loving, successful adults! Each day I wake up I am thankful for that day and hope to have many more days ahead. I have to fight this! Let's hope for the best!
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Things to do
Birthday party to attend
It's Saturday morning and I'm looking forward to doing lots of things with my kids as well as get things organized. I am loving the time spending every minute with my kids although its alot of work running after them, helping to feed them and making sure they don't get in trouble, especially Emma, who always climbs on top of tables, chairs or getting picked on from her siblings when fighting over toys. Today, we will go a friend's 4 year old birthday party. The kids will have a blast!
List of things to do
Lately since we're more settled in our new rental house, I have been meaning to start a few projects for my kids, on top of many other daily tasks. One of them is to get started with writing letters to my kids. I hope to this started soon. Below is a list of the major projects I plan on getting done soon:
It's Saturday morning and I'm looking forward to doing lots of things with my kids as well as get things organized. I am loving the time spending every minute with my kids although its alot of work running after them, helping to feed them and making sure they don't get in trouble, especially Emma, who always climbs on top of tables, chairs or getting picked on from her siblings when fighting over toys. Today, we will go a friend's 4 year old birthday party. The kids will have a blast!
List of things to do
Lately since we're more settled in our new rental house, I have been meaning to start a few projects for my kids, on top of many other daily tasks. One of them is to get started with writing letters to my kids. I hope to this started soon. Below is a list of the major projects I plan on getting done soon:
- Letters to my kids, husband, family, friends
- Recording more home videos
- Getting preschool and kindergarten enrollment done
- Spending time with family, friends
- Preplanning of future
- Applying for financial assistance
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Everything hurts-Apr 21, 2011
Lunch with Lung Cancer Foundation
Yesterday I had lunch with a great group of Lung Cancer survivors, including Bonnie Addario, who started the http://www.lungcancerfoundation.org/. What a wonderful group and so glad hear their stories. They are truly inspirational and given me so much hope and strength.
CT SCAN-My health Update
So last week I had my CT scan and we're still waiting for results. We're nervous. Since my second chemo, I've been a bit more tired and achy. Everything hurts. My back, my hip, my fingers, my ribs, my pelvic since my cancer is stage IV and it has metastased to my bones. I called my radiology oncologist and discussed if at some point more radiation therapy could help relieve some of the achy pains. Well, since I've just had 2 weeks of it last March, he suggests waiting and letting the radiation therapy and chemo do its work. I hope the chemo works and I don't have more achy pain. I've also been getting more headaches too and been taking Tylenol helps relieve it. I hope its just that, a regular headache or maybe side effects of chemo and its nothing more.
NANNY, Care of Kids, Update
I've been very busy though the last few weeks with the unpacking since we just moved in the last 3 weeks, the interviewing of babysitters and training of babysitters. So far, we've been half a dozen nannies and none of them has worked out. Many of them quit on us after a week or so. Its been hard having so much turnover. My kids are pretty easy and I help out too. Well, I hope we find the right nanny soon as I've been so weary, tired and weak from the chemo treatments and the daily care and tasks of my three young kids are exhausting.
Fundraiser-Ideas, anyone?
So my good friend, Brandon has volunteered to be the moderator or lead in starting a fundraiser for us. It's just at the beginning stage now, so please let us know if you have any ideas or if you can help. You
can email me here. Also, if you would like to help us with a donation, feel free to send it to 577 Tully Rd
San Jose, CA 95111. Stay tune for more update and or a group discussion to be started.
Hugs,
Fawn
Yesterday I had lunch with a great group of Lung Cancer survivors, including Bonnie Addario, who started the http://www.lungcancerfoundation.org/. What a wonderful group and so glad hear their stories. They are truly inspirational and given me so much hope and strength.
CT SCAN-My health Update
So last week I had my CT scan and we're still waiting for results. We're nervous. Since my second chemo, I've been a bit more tired and achy. Everything hurts. My back, my hip, my fingers, my ribs, my pelvic since my cancer is stage IV and it has metastased to my bones. I called my radiology oncologist and discussed if at some point more radiation therapy could help relieve some of the achy pains. Well, since I've just had 2 weeks of it last March, he suggests waiting and letting the radiation therapy and chemo do its work. I hope the chemo works and I don't have more achy pain. I've also been getting more headaches too and been taking Tylenol helps relieve it. I hope its just that, a regular headache or maybe side effects of chemo and its nothing more.
NANNY, Care of Kids, Update
I've been very busy though the last few weeks with the unpacking since we just moved in the last 3 weeks, the interviewing of babysitters and training of babysitters. So far, we've been half a dozen nannies and none of them has worked out. Many of them quit on us after a week or so. Its been hard having so much turnover. My kids are pretty easy and I help out too. Well, I hope we find the right nanny soon as I've been so weary, tired and weak from the chemo treatments and the daily care and tasks of my three young kids are exhausting.
Fundraiser-Ideas, anyone?
So my good friend, Brandon has volunteered to be the moderator or lead in starting a fundraiser for us. It's just at the beginning stage now, so please let us know if you have any ideas or if you can help. You
can email me here. Also, if you would like to help us with a donation, feel free to send it to 577 Tully Rd
San Jose, CA 95111. Stay tune for more update and or a group discussion to be started.
Hugs,
Fawn
Monday, April 18, 2011
Not accepted for funding
Last night, we just opened our latest mail and one of our application for financial assistance from http://www.familiescan.org/index.html denied us for any financial assistance. We are dissapointed and sadded since the coordinator was so convinced she can help us out with atleast 2 months of rent or childcare. We had high hopes for this non profit organization to help us out with childcare costs, rent, food, medical copays, but do to the downturn of the economy, they are lacking in donations and funding.
As always, we are on our own. We hope Rick's income now that he has gotten back to working full time will be enough. We are hoping and praying for the very best in our finances as well as my health and recovery.
Lots of love,
Fawn
As always, we are on our own. We hope Rick's income now that he has gotten back to working full time will be enough. We are hoping and praying for the very best in our finances as well as my health and recovery.
Lots of love,
Fawn
Thursday, April 14, 2011
My Persistant Cough-Feb 4, 2011
On Friday, Feb 4, 2011, while at work, I got a got from my Dr's office that I had to come in right away. Trying to be find a good balance between work and taking time off for personal reasons, (Dr appointments, kids Dr appointments, having just moved), I asked if I can come to see him at 4:30PM. I had a chest X-ray done the day before and had already just worked from home the day before.
Worry and concerned about potential bad news, my good friend and colleague urged me to go right away. "Fawn, you need to go see your doctor, now! Don't worry, I'll back you up and take over" she says. I'll cover for you." I told her, I am worried too but I need to also focus on work and find a balance. I'll go in a few hours.
Quietly though, my mind and heart, silently worried about what the news could be and hope it is not bad news. I had been coughing for awhile, for over a month or two and none of the cough syrup or antibiotics worked.
Soon enough, as I got there by 5PM, my doctor showed me my abnormal chest Xray that showed my heart so HUGE like a horse, it was very concerning for us both. So, he order a string of blood tests to done and a EEKG. By then, it wasclose to 6:30 PM and my doctor said I had to the Hospital to get more tests done. So, I rushed to Oconnor for further tests.
Immediately, everything turned up abnormal. My blood pressure was unsually high, EEKG abnormal, my chest hurt, I had a hard time breathing. But, I had to go home and allow my babysitter to go home.
Soon enough, over the weekend while I took care of my 3 kids, I enured more chest pains and shortness of breathe. By Sunday night, 10:30 PM, the chest pains were worse, my breathing worse and so I paged my doctor who told us I had to admit myself to the ER.
I drove myself to ER and by 2AM, a CT was done and showed lots of fluid building up around my heart sac or heart wall. I was admitted that night.
Worry and concerned about potential bad news, my good friend and colleague urged me to go right away. "Fawn, you need to go see your doctor, now! Don't worry, I'll back you up and take over" she says. I'll cover for you." I told her, I am worried too but I need to also focus on work and find a balance. I'll go in a few hours.
Quietly though, my mind and heart, silently worried about what the news could be and hope it is not bad news. I had been coughing for awhile, for over a month or two and none of the cough syrup or antibiotics worked.
Soon enough, as I got there by 5PM, my doctor showed me my abnormal chest Xray that showed my heart so HUGE like a horse, it was very concerning for us both. So, he order a string of blood tests to done and a EEKG. By then, it wasclose to 6:30 PM and my doctor said I had to the Hospital to get more tests done. So, I rushed to Oconnor for further tests.
Immediately, everything turned up abnormal. My blood pressure was unsually high, EEKG abnormal, my chest hurt, I had a hard time breathing. But, I had to go home and allow my babysitter to go home.
Soon enough, over the weekend while I took care of my 3 kids, I enured more chest pains and shortness of breathe. By Sunday night, 10:30 PM, the chest pains were worse, my breathing worse and so I paged my doctor who told us I had to admit myself to the ER.
I drove myself to ER and by 2AM, a CT was done and showed lots of fluid building up around my heart sac or heart wall. I was admitted that night.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)