Coughs, Cold and the Flu

We had a nice family Christmas, spending time at home and visiting my parents nearby to drop off some gifts. My Mom cooked Pho and we all ate lunch bowls of Pho. We spent this rest of the day, just relaxing, playing and cooking dinner at home. It was nice and simple. Since the kids still are recovering from their almost two weeks cold and coughs, I'm glad we forgo the all day laboring over cooking a turkey and entertaining. Once a couple of years ago, I spent a whole day in the kitchen, cooking all day long, the turkey and everything else. It was a lot of work with tons of left over.

I'm still fighting over the same cold and cough like the kids. This miserable cold and cough, it's so hard to shake off. With a chemo body, already weak, it'll most likely take double the time to soothe it down and hopefully with lots of rest and orange juice, it'll be gone.

An Evening at the ER
Yesterday, my son suddenly woke up with awful, unrelenting stomach flu or gastroenteritis. By evening, while sick all day long, with continuous bouts of vomiting and diarrhea, we grew overly worried and finally after calls to the nurseline, they had recommended us to take him to the nearest ER. Unlucky for us, my many pages to our family pediatrician went unanswered and I guess, since Dec 25 fell on a Sunday this year, many Doctor's offices had taken yesterday, Dec 26, as a holiday. What bad timing. In the middle of cooking dinner, I had to pause everything, turned off the half cooked string beans and in 2 minutes, sipped my dinner bowl of rice porridge down my tummy so that I can rush my poor dehydrated Ethan to see a doctor. What a scary day. I was terrified with worry.
Finally after a few hours and an anti nausea medicine, he was better and we went home.  Whew! He's feeling much better today and I'm keeping a good eye on him, giving him plenty of fluids and small amount soft foods.

My condalescences to Emily Wong
A few days ago right before Christmas, I shockingly learned of a dear friend, Emily Wong had passed away peacefully from lung cancer. It shook me pretty hard. Learning of her death sadded and scared me. When I was first diagnosed with this dreaded disease, it was her that reached out to me and called me on my phone. Our conversation went on for over an hour as she told me of her story and how to cope and live with the same lung cancer. I'm forever grateful for her friendly, kind love and hope she gave us all at the Lung Cancer Support group. She will be missed.  It was her who created and started the Stanford Lung Cancer Group. She was a 5 1/2 year stage 4 lung cancer fighter and dedicated herself to helping and reaching out to almost every lung cancer patient to knew. My hearts go out to her family. You can read her incredible, detail legacy battle she kept at www.godincontrol.bravehost.com/

My Treatment
After a week break from the Gemzar chemo, I am back to my regular routine chemo and Dr Neal appointment tomorrow. I'm happy that my friend Ramona will accompany me again. Hopefully my bood counts and labs will turn out good and I will get another round of chemo.  Thanks again for your support, love and prayers. Lots of Love. I'll be writing soon about a Spaghetti fundraiser that you can help be apart of soon.  More of that soon as now I'm off to see my polmonologist.

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to everyone! After being sick for about a week, the kids are finally better. They're still having a little bit of the cold and cough but atleast the fevers are all gone. Since they were sick, I got a little cold and cough myself. My cough isn't too bad and hopefully it'll go away soon.

We've been busy taking the kids to places around the area, like the zoo and to the SF Acadamy of Science and also got busy with a little bit of deep house cleaning. It was a bit crazy getting to the Academy of Science since we're just not familiar with all the one ways of SF driving and got a bit lost. But, we finally got a chance to visit it and it was super crowded. We zipped through it within 1-2 hours and were done pretty quickly and got home in time for the kids other academic activity, like Kumon.

Other than hanging out with the family with outings and some errands, we're enjoying every minute of our family vacation.  For the past few days, we still debated back and forth about whether or not to head to Disneyland, and finally today, we decided for sure to put it off until next year since we're all a bit sick still from our colds & coughs. It's tempting though to just quickly pack, hop in the car and just head off to the magical place of Disney to give to the kids' the ultimate fun of a lifetime. But traveling with 3 little ones, it's a lot of work.

Now that the kids are off from school, I've gotten a chance to do a bit more reading. Reading and writing, those are my favorite past time hobbies I love to do. I ordered a book on Amazon, title "Before I say Good-bye by Ruth Picardie and can't wait to read it. Like me, Ruth was young and only about 33 years old when she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and just had given birth to twins. It's her own memoir on how she brilliantly, courageously battled and coped through it all. What a brave woman she was.

Well, if I don't a chance to write before 2011 ends, Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and Happy New Year to you and everyone. Thank you for your love and support! Lots of Love.

Busy Week, Team Seagate donates us Tree and Toys, CT Results

Try as I can to find some free time for myself or even to update my blog, it's always super busy. This week, I went in to Stanford Cancer Center for another round of blood lab draws and for Gemzar chemo. I was lucky to get a good nurse who poked me once and got in a IV and also fortunate to have my good friend, Ramona accompany me to my appointment. This time everything went pretty fast and we were out of there by 3.5 hours! Yay, we got out before it got dark and before the traffic rush.

When I got home after chemo Wed, both older kids got sick with fevers at night and have kept me up throughout the night for the past 3 days/nights. With hi fevers, it got me so worried, I even took them all to see their pediatrician. And as usual, we were in and out of there and were told it's just a virus and to keep give them children's acetaminophen to keep the fevers away. By Friday and still today, they're still fighting this off. Hopefully, they'll be well soon as our family vacation is starting tomorrow. The kids are all so excited to have their Dad off for a week!

With the kids being sick, we're most likely going to postpone our Disney trip since it's so much work to get there and back. Driving 4-5 hours to Anaheim, the crowds, the cold, the long lines, the high cost of everything from tickets to hotels at this time of year, it is all too overwhelming. So we're planning day trips instead to local places, going to the movies, and just hangin out and having fun and a little bit of relaxing. We're still planning to go to Disneyland but probably another time next year. I'm glad we'll have some family time and now that we're staying at home, I'm delighted.

Seagate donates to us Christmas tree with the trimmings & gifts!

Last week, we were all so fortunate and thankful for my Seagate manager and team to come and put up together a really nice, live Christmas tree with all the lights and trimmings and gifts for the kids! The kids loved it and even helped put up the hand made snowflake decorations. Each snowflake contained wonderful, warm notes to us, all hand written from my coworkers and friends from Seagate! What a blessing. We're so humbled and honored to have such a wonderful team to volunteer their time and to give us this wonderful Christmas tree and gifts! So endless thanks to Nathan and everyone from Seagate!

Latest CT Results

While I was at chemo this past Wed, I stopped by to get my CT results in hand. Reading over my neck and to knee scan results, overall, it indicates everything is stable. Stable is good but it's still awful to learn that there are "numerous tiny pulmonary nodules in my left lung measuring up to 3 mm." And in my right lung, well, there is still "Interval increase" of pleural based fluid building up and that the primary tumor grew from 2.1 x 1.6 cm from previously 2.0 x 1.4 cm. Everything else is stable and are in normal limits.

 

I'm feeling ok and doing everything like any other busy mom with the kids. It's unreal though to know that I have all these numerous tumors in me. I just hope chemo keeps all the tumors at bay and I'm here for as long as I can. Lots of Love.

My Birthday

Yesterday the kids and I celebrated my 36 Birthday with a yummy burnt almond cake that my husband and kids picked up along the way when he picked up Ellen from preschool. We didn't go out to celebrate but even just singing Happy Birthday and having them blow out the candles was just precious.

My sore throat is much better today and I'm feeling better. I can tell though that with a chemo body, I do feel weaker and my energy level is a bit low. But, as usual feeling a bit under the weather doesn't keep me from doing the routine things with the kids, like heading out shopping for things for the kids classes at Walmart and running errands (grocery shopping, picking up the kids from school).  Over the next few days, I have to find time to plan out the details of our Disneyland trip and hopefully I'll get it all done soon. With three kids, even with a little nanny help, I'm always so busy and it's hard to find time for myself and or even get to my To Do List.

Having late stage lung cancer, since there are no cure, I know my odds of living more than a year, two, three, four, five or more years are very slim and so time is of the essence to do what I must do for my kids.  And so I have to really find time to complete my To Do list.  Some of the to do list are simple things, like writing letters to my kids, doing more video recordings of me and the kids, burning a photo CD and picking songs to send to the Legacy Video Life Chronicles team that helped record my legacy video. It's always so busy though with 3 kids, so there's never a dull, free moment. 

I'm scared though to know my fate and that even with all the hope and prayers, I do feel a sence of hopelessness and sadness. But a I have met some survivors who have lived with it beyond 5 years but that's so rare. And so with having just celebrated my 36 Birthday, I hope there's more birthdays to come. Here's to my wish of continued stability and better health. Lots of Love.

Holiday fun

This past Saturday, my hubby & I attended his company's holiday dinner at the Loft in downtown San Jose. We were lucky to get to go this year since almost every year in the past, he had to work into the wee hours and always had to miss it. Luckily my nanny was able to watch the kids and we got a nice night out. It was so much fun hanging out, listen to music and chatting along with his work colleagues. The food, the drinks and the appetizers were the best! There was even a raffle and we even won a prize. What a nice time. Times like this just warms my heart and makes me want many, many more good times to come.

My hubby finally got all the lights up on the house and the kids love seeing the house all decorated. Lots of love and  thanks to him for all the hard work. With the kids out of school for the holidays, we're planning to take them to the wonderful magical place of Disneyland. It'll be alot of work getting there but hopefully we'll have lots of fun. We're excited and look forward to our family time.

This week, I woke up early at 6AM on Tuesday and got a full neck to knee CT scan. CT scans are awful due to warm fuzzy feeling from the contrast IV and having to sit still and hold your breathe as you go in and out of the circular tunnel. But, it's now become a routine I'm just used to now.

Yesterday, I was so fortunate enough to have a dear friend, Ramona accompany me to my chemo appointment. As usual, it was a long day as we left San Jose around noonish and didn't get home until almost 7PM. What a long day of waiting but it didn't seem like it as time flew by so fast with a friend coming along. It was nice of her to take time out to keep my company. So many hugs and thanks to her for her support and love. She even brought me a B-day card and beautiful poinsettias! How lovely.

As usual, my face time with my oncologist, Dr. Neal yesterday was quick and fast. We didn't view the scan results together this time but he did tell me things look stable overall and that we're going to continue with the current Gemzar chemo treatment. He did mention that the CT scan shows a 1 mm increase in the tumors compared to the last 6 weeks scan previously. With 2 weeks off from chemo now, my blood counts were now back up and I did get the Gemzar chemo infusion. I'll have to go back for another session next week and Romana promised to go with me again. I'm so grateful for her friendship. Smiles.

Aside from a sore throat and a little cold, I'm feeling good. The sore throat does worry me and hope it'll go away soon and that it's nothing serious or cancer related. Any new achy or pains and great shortness of breath I get, it's hard not to worry that it may be something worse like signs of progression. Worry. Fear. It's awful living with cancer, especially lung cancer.
I'll be getting the actual full CT scan report in the mail soon and will post the results. Hopefully it's reports nothing too serious to worry more about. As for acunpunture, I've decided to take a break from it for now. With everything going on, it's hard to keep up with it 3 times a week for an 1.5 hour sessions. Besides, I didn't like the achy feeling I get from the puncture of the needles and who likes being poked with needles on the top of one's head for hour long three times per week sessions! I'm glad I have some free time back again with my kids.

Thanksgiving

We had a great Thanksgiving weekend.  One of Ethan's parents from his class brought us a delicious home cooked dinner! What a treat. He also gave us a frozen turkey as well! So, lots of thanks to Chuck for a fabulous roast beef and potatoes dinner.
On Thanskgiving day for lunch, we were invited over at my sister's family and then for dinner, had a potluck Turkey dinner over at my brother's place. It was good to see my family and catching up with everyone. It was especially nice that my brother had it at his place since I got to see my old cat. Since my diagnosis, we adopted her out to my brother. She's turning out to be such a beautiful cat now. I'm glad she's in a good home. We fostered her temporary and rescued her and her five kittens from my nanny's yard about a year ago this time. Definitely, pets bring so much warmth and comfort. It was so warming and healing to see her.

With the holidays coming, the kids are excited about Christmas. They've been asking their Dad to decorate the house and about getting a Christmas tree, presents, Santa, Gingerbread house and have been singing all the tunes of the holiday songs.  And so, day by day, as I help watch the kids, their Dad is getting the lights and trimmings almost all up.
As for me, I'm thankful for a great Thanksgiving weekend and for everyday that I am here with my family. I'm keeping busy with the kid's activities as well as spending as much time as I can with them teaching, coaching and working with them on their reading, writing and math skills.  Mostly, I'm working very hard with each of them to help them become a beginner reader. I think it takes alot of love, patience and lots of tedious, dedicated hard work to raise educated, good readers and thinkers as well as well rounded, social, responsible kids.

As for me, I'm still going to my acupuncture appointments in hopes it helps heals. I'm not sure it helps, but hopeful it does something good. I'll being getting a CT scan again next Tuesday and will find out next week if my current Gemzar chemo is helping stabilize the tumors. It's been about 2 weeks now that I haven't had any treatment. With Gemzar, I'm suppose to get it every week for 2 weeks in a row and then have the third week off. But, last week, I didn't get it due to having low blood counts.  Let's hope for good news and stability. Lots of Love.

Looking Forward

Yesterday I had my second session of Gemzar chemo. Although having a bit of more traffic than usual due to the morning rush hour and accidents, I got there just in time for labs, Dr and chemo infusion. I got poked three times and finally the nurse found a vein for the infusion. Gemzar unlike the other chemos, burns when it flows in. Addding warm heat helps alot or else I wouldn't have endured it. I must admit that without anyone coming with me, it feels awfully lonely and makes me alot more emotionally sad. As I saw my Onc, and as I tell him of my new kinds of pains and the rattling in my right lung, the shortness of breathe, the aches in my back and hip and the tingling numbness on my soles of my feet, I couldn't help but pour out my emotional loss and scared of the idea of me getting worse. We both shed some more tears as we again hope chemo works. He then informs me that the results of my DNA genetic testing shows sadly that there's not a single match on any of the known genetic mutations that caused my lung cancer. 
Bad luck or to bad environmental factors. Those are the players that I think most likely caused me to have this. At times, and almost every night, I think back and remember all those times that I was sick and those were all symptoms I had but just didn't know this would be the result of all those colds, coughs and sweats. Sometimes I even feel guilty that I didn't go Dr enough or didn't push my those little sickness and fatigueness enough. As a mother, I always put myself last and when I did get sick, I just thought it was just some little a bug I caught from my kids as they were in daycare or preschool. If only, I can turn back the clock and go back in time, things would be different. But, going back in time, that's impossible and I can't look backward. It's hard though not to think, "If this, If that" in hindsight..But I have to remind myself to keep on looking forward and be thankful for each new day.

Lately as the kids go to bed, as way to keep myself updated and knowledgeable about the latest research, I try to learn and read everything I can about lung cancer. I follow other people's blogs, I read and research through http://clinicaltrials.gov/, http://www.cancer.gov/clinicaltrials/search and much more. I read about Proton Therapy's latest advancement in treating lung cancer and even tried to enroll myself there by making calls and sending in my medical records to see of MD Anderson Cancer Center and other such centers (Loma Linda, etc) to see if Doctors there can help cure or shrink the tumors in my lungs. But, to no avail, I'm quickly denied since my cancer has metastasized and being told that chemo is the only option. I've read about the http://www.burzynskiclinic.com/, and many other methods too. But so far, the only thing that can help me would be God's miracle, prayers, faith and keeping good hope. It's all in God's hands. Let's keep up our prayers. Lots of Love.

Hanging onto Acupuncture

After trying to cancel out of acunpunture, my acupuncture Dr convinced to keep trying it. She says it works and that I have to give it a chance for my life and kid's sake. Even though I don't like getting poked at nor do I like the awful taste of herbal medicines, she persuaded to stick to so that I can get better. So, I'm sticking it out (no pun intended) and giving it another try for now. As for the cost of the herbals, it's taking me alot longer to finish what I bought so it'll last another week.  As a way to help convince me to come back, she says she won't charge me for future herbals if I keep my routine acupuncture. I'll try to keep it up but it I really don't like it the needles poking me. But I'm hopeful it helps is mostly the reason why I'm willing to keep it up.

This week is my week off from chemo. A brief one week chemo break so that I can boost up my immune system. Other than feeling a little weak and having a little bit of a cough, I'm doing well. I'll start chemo again next Wed.  Lots of Love.

Nov is Lung Cancer Awareness Month

Nov is Lung Cancer Awareness month.  To bring more awareness about this disease, Stanford Cancer Center created this Lung Cancer video. Check it out at http://scopeblog.stanford.edu/2011/11/lung-cancer-can-affect-anyone-but-not-everyone-is-listening/

Some facts

• 2/3 of those who get lung cancer don’t currently smoke
• 1 out of 3 people die of lung cancer
• Lung cancer is the No. 1 cancers of all the cancers out there, kills more than 160,000 people annually
• Approx 219,000 people are diagnosed with lung cancer in the U.S. each year - over 103,000 women and nearly 116,000 men.
• Roughly 84% people diagnosed with lung cancer die within 5 years of their diagnosis
• More info can be found at http://www.lungcanceralliance.org/

Unsure of Acupuncture
This week has flown by. Being busy with the kids and their activities as well as my own appointments makes the days speed by. I had my second round of Gemzar chemo this past Wed and this time, I decided not to take any of the premeds. Usually, with most chemo regiment, the nurses give you 2 pills of Decadron (steroids) and 2 pills of Zofran (anti-nausea) and since I dislike being hungry all the time, zapped with lots of energy, sleeping late and being constipated for 2 days, I decided to skip it. Personally, I just don't like meds and if I can handle things without it and fight through it naturally, I rather not take it.  The less side effects the better. I guess I'm more of a "less is more" person. Simple is perfect.  Although I was a bit tired after chemo, probably due to low blood counts, getting up super early like 6AM, not eating and then heading back home to care for the kids for a few hours, I did alright. My day nanny only comes to help for half of the day since it's what we can budget for.
This week I also did 2 sessions of acupuncture.  I found an acunpunture place nearby and it had raving reviews from many patients that it helped them rid of pain, regain balance and energy or chi. Also, I had applied for assistance from http://sysfund.org/, a unique non profit that helps provide funding for personal pursuits and hobbies, as well as integrative therapies such as acupuncture, reflexology,
reiki, and therapeutic massage. In anticipation that I may get copay assistance, I was looking forward to getting a session in. But, soon found out that due to lack of funding, they can't help. But, since it had such raving reviews  I wanted to try it anyways. For my health right? Anything to prevent pain and help heal me from this disease.
Now that I've 2 sessions of it, it's hard to tell if it worked or helped me in anyway. I'm still skeptical and ambivalent about the healing effects of it. She's scheduled me for more routine twice weekly sessions and also prescribed Chinese Herbal. Perhaps being almost "allured" due being so hopeful, part due to desperateness, I fell into the therapist "pitch" and paid almost $100 for the herbals which I'm supposed to take twice a day for a week.  Aurgh. I think I fell under her spell for that one brief, weak but hopeful moment. I mean, what's $100 if this herbal medicine is suppose to help heal and strengthen my immune system and help sort of extend my life?
Anyways, now I'm out out of pocket so much now and to think about it, I'm coming to the realization that all of this is sort of big business of giving false hopes. I'm going cancel all my appointments and quit the acupuncture. Besides, I don't like being poked with needles. I get enough bloods draws and needle pokes every week enough already. Lesson learned. With our income limited, I have to be very careful to not overspend. I gotta make every dollar stretch and need to keep a good watch on our spending budget so that we can upkeep our current financial obligations, like childcare, preschool, mortgage, copays, insurance, basic living costs and on and on. How great it would be if we were in that 1% bracket where money is never a constant worry? Well, that's definitely not us and we gotta live like every other average working family. Savings seems so hard nowadays...Lots of Love.

Keeping Busy, Halloween Fun, Donuts

The kids had a great Halloween. We started Trick or Treating around our neighborhood early before it got too dark.  They had a blast. It was just so sweet to see the kids get all dressed up and have so much fun.  Afterwards the kids helped give out candy. They really enjoyed it as they were able to see all the great costumes.

This past weekend we had a fantastic time riding the train at Roaring Camp. The kids loved the beauty of the redwood trees as we rode through the mountains on the train. Special thanks to Donna for donating 3 tickets and to Kim for the idea and coordination. We had lots of fun as a family. The Roaring Camp's site was so beautiful and the weather was perfect. Here are some pictures from the trip.

The kids also had fun feeding the ducks.

 

 Donuts, Play date

This past weekend the kids also had a fun playdate with our legacy photographer, Jason and his son They came by for a visit and brought us yummy, Krispy Kream donuts. What a treat! The kids loved playing with Joey.

Acupuncture

Tomorrow is another chemo day. I'll have to get up early and be there by 7AM so that I can get back in time to pick Ellen from her preschool and then head to my acupuncture appointment. I'm looking forward to trying the natural, holistic form of Chinese medicine. This is just a more in depth consultation but hopefully I'll get a session of acupuncture in soon. Acupuncture is the practice of inserting thin needles into specific body points to improve health and well-being. It originated in China more than 2,000 years ago. Research shows that acupuncture helps relieve pain and reduces nausea after chemotherapy.

Kids Activities

So today was my Nanny's first day coming back to help us with the kids. It was so incredibly nice to have her help. The kids still remember her and easily allowed her to help them. Without her help, it would be hard to keep up with all the kids activities. With preschool, swim classes, Sylvan Learning, Kumon, Piano lessons, kindergarten pickups (all Ethan's activities mostly), Library reading, singing and music time on Tuesdays and Thurs for the girls, it keeps me super busy and that's just the kids activities. I'm so glad and thankful we have our nanny back to help us.

Worries

Spending time with my kids is such a joy. Life is beautiful. But being a lung cancer patient, enjoying the moment and being in the beauty of the moment is all so precious as well as all too painful. Sad but simultaneously happy as there's never a moment that I don't realize that all this I may miss and won't be here for in the later future. Being terminal ill with the cancer, I'm in constant worry for my kid's future and terrified of leaving my kids without their mother. Sad. Happy. Living in the moment. A race against time. These are the things that run through my head and heart. Raising up my kids to instill in them to have the toughest skin, courage, confidence and solid foundation are my goals for my kids.  To keep myself updated with the latest news, I make every effort, every night to read the latest research and pray, and hope for the best so that I can be here for them as long as I can. Lots of Love.

Gemzar chemo, Pumpkins, Family Time

First Gemzar Chemo Treatment this Week

Wow, this week has came and gone by so fast. Like always, I think I got alot done and accomplished this week. I had my first chemo regiment this past Wed with Gemzar at Stanford. The wait was forever though and I felt bad that my Dad had to sit all day long, waiting around with me. My Dad came to pick me up around 12 PM and we didn't get back home until late 7PM. That's half a day of sitting and waiting. I'm glad he came to help support me though. But now that I made it through the Gemzar chemo, I think I can handle driving myself there and back so that it's just not a burden on anyone's shoulders and time. Time is so important and so meaningful to me nowawdays that I don't take it for granted and treasure every moment and not waste it slumbering around sitting all day doing nothing. I am a Mom on a mission, always in action to squeeze in as much quality time and tasks done as much as possible as quick as possible for the love of my kids.

While I waited, I try to multitask by catching on emails, reading on the latest treatment research, registering for the kids classes or activities as well as got set up with an appointment for acunpuncture. I got alot of little things accomplished that I most likely never had time to do if I had been home taking care of the kids and housework.

Overall, the Gemzar treatment went pretty smooth and so far so good for this first time go. But, I know through a few more rounds, I'll most likely start to feel the "poisonous" effects of it and I'm worried about what could potentially happen, like bone pain, tiredness, fatigue, fevers, chills and such other effects due to low blood counts. So to help us out, my old nanny who worked for us in the past for almost 2 years, has agreed to come back to be our day nanny. I'm glad to have her come back to help us out. Hopefully, it'll work out as she knows us and the kids really well in terms of ours and the kids likes.

Last weekend, as a treat and gift to Emma's 2nd Birthday, we the took the kids to see Disney's Treasure Trove. It was our first time to see a Disney on Ice show and they absolutely loved it. It brings so much joy to see how happy and in awe they were. Moments like these as a family outing is just priceless. This weekend, we'll be taking them to Santa Cruz Roaring Camp Train ride.  Thanks to our good friends Kim and Eric, who got in touch of Donna to donate to us the Train tickets and even a little bit of spending dollars for the kids to get some toys at the gift store, we're so greatful  for her gift. The kids will have so much fun. Thanks so much Donna and to Kim for thinking of it and coordinating it.
Well, there's more to share..more later. Gotta get some sleep. Lots of Love and keep us in your prayers.

Well, there's more to share..more later. Gotta get some sleep. Lots of Love and keep us in your prayers.

CT Results, New Treatment Plan: Gemzar

 

After about 4 months of taking the daily Tarceva treatment pill, as of Wednesday, Oct 19, I am no longer taking it. I'm done with that treatment for now. I knew about a month ago that it wasn't effective anymore as I was starting to feel the dull bone aches, back ache, the hot flashes, tingling needling feeling in arms, legs and just about everywhere.  My latest CT scan taken from this past Tuesday, Oct 18, 2011 showed some more overall "lymphangitic progression spread". My Onc reviewed the scans over with me and discussed some possible chemo treatment for me to start next week. It's awful to see all the little new tumor spots all over my right lung. My Onc even shed some tears with me as we talked about my worry of my kids and my wish to continue to keep fighting this for my kids sake. He says he'll keep on fighting for everyday for me to find and or change the right treatment to shrink and or stabilize this disease. He's great and so human. 

Back to Chemo: Gemzar or Gemcitabine chemotherapy through IV vein

For now before I start my next 3rd line of treatment, I'll have to let me body "wash out" the Tarceva for about a week before I start back on chemo which will be next Wednesday. Gemzar (gemcitabine) is the chemo that I'll be on. So now back to the chemo infusion. I'll have to get this once a week for 2 weeks with 3rd week off. Like any chemo, it'll be hard on my immune system and my body. I'm worried about how tired I may get since Gemzar can suppress bone marrow function, which causes low blood cell (Red, White, Platelets) counts.  The good thing is that Gemzar, I've been told is that it's well tolerated and slightly "easier" to handle than many other chemo regimen.  I hope this chemo will be as easy as the first line of chemo cocktails that I had undergone and that it works effectively to keep the tumors stable or shrink them.

Preschool
I'm still feeling good and keeping busy with the kids. Ellen, my 3 year old has been home with me for 2 weeks and will resume her new preschool next week. Her last preschool was just too long for her since she was there full time and we're happy now that we found a MWF 9-12 schedule that will make us all happy. Ethan's finishing up Sylan learning and will also start a new Kumon program soon too in November.  The kids are doing well. They're keeping up their daily nightly prayers for me to get better as well.

Our party for Emma went well. We had lots of food and was glad to see our friends. As always, keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Lots of Love.

Side Effects

 It's already Friday and this weekend, we will be hosting Emma's 2 years old Birthday Party combined with our Housewarming party. There's lots to do and I have to get it all done today, like order cake and food and clean. Well, tidy up and mop. We have the cleaners come to clean after the party next week for real deep cleaning. It'll be nice to see family and friends. A few friends already said they can't make it and so I hope more of our friends will come. Being a full time Mom nowadays and not having a nanny, my time is filled with caring for the kids and I have no time to catch up with friends or do much else.
What's also exciting is that our back yard will finally be pretty much done. We're so excited to  finally start hanging outside! Our yard was just a big, dry flat area of plain dirt and nothing had been done to it prior. It's disappointing that the previous owners did absolutely nothing to the yard. No plants. No flowers. No shade. Nothing. So, well, now there will life in the yard, lots of it. Tomorrow, we plan on going to the nearest garden nursery to get some trees, shrubs, flowers, fruit trees and vines for our gardeners to plant. We're also planning to grow a vegetable garden. At some point, perhaps next year, we'll get a play structure put in for the kids. I'll post some pics of out yard once it done.

Side effects
Lately, the side of effects of Tarceva are really kicking in. My hair is starting to thin out. It's not in clumps, but slowly. Some if it easily falls off through showering, brushing and even running my fingers through it. Thank goodness my hair is thick and so it's not noticeable yet. Also, aside from the dry skin and rash here and there, the tips of my finger tips and soles of my feet, they're starting to feel numb, neuropathy is the term. I've been on Tarceva since July and so that makes it 4 months so far on it. Hopefully the next CT scan will show good news that the tumors are shrinking. Right now, I'm waiting for insurance approval for my next CT scan which is supposed to be soon since I'm seeing my Onc, Dr. Neal next Wed. Also, I sometimes get dull headaches from day to day. Overall, I'm feeling and doing well. My stamina is good although the kids do wear me out.

Other than the day the day routines, all is well. We got a call from one of our good nanny, the one we loved and she said she'd be willing to help us at some point when we need it. She's a live in nanny from Monday to Friday and is full of energy and knows the kids needs and wants. She was a big help when I was working and got diagnosed. I'm glad we have some possible nannies to call on hand when we need it. Right now, I'm just so thankful that I'm well enough to care for the kids and spend every precious moment with them.
Thanks for all your support, love, prayers, thoughts and notes. Keep writing as I do look forward to your encouraging comments and thoughts. Lots of love.

Live Everyday as If it's your Last

Shocked. Sad. Very sad. Loss. These were the emotions that hit hard when I learned of Steve Job's death. He was such a extraordinary visionary, pioneer of all the modern magic of Apple and its products. What a tragic loss to the world. I once worked for Apple for about 3 years and even though I never met him, I'm an forever grateful for all he has done and created for the world. It was an amazing 3 years that I worked there. So much innovation. So much energy. And of course, alot of hard work and long hours and even weekends working.  But, I'm so glad I worked there. In so many ways,Steve Jobs, Apple, touched our hearts with all the awe, beauty, ease, and innovative of modern gadgets that we can't simply live without.  Everything he has done, even his words, his commencement speech at Stanford was a gift. In his amazing speech, he clearly shares his wisdom and guidance to us all. You can read his speech at http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

In his speech, he shares 3 great stories. Stories to guide and live your life by. It's such a brilliant speech. He says "No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. "

I read his speech over and over again. He's so right about life and death, about living life, following your own heart and doing what you love. I have to remind myself to treasure all the simplest, beauty of life sometimes and not get so overcome with worrying about everything. I have to focus on the now and the life that surrounds me. Death is apart of life.  But, Steve Jobs is right when he says no one wants to die. And so, faced with I have, I have to keep on the march of life, keep on doing what makes me happy and keep on doing the normalness to make my kids and family happy. 

Hot Sweats, Flashes
Back to me and my health update. I'm doing ok but now I frequently get hot flashes and hot moments of bursting, bubbly dry hot sweats needling throughout my body. I'm wondering if it's the cancer that spreading. It's so uncomfortable and at every moment as I get it, almost immediately, I have to find anyway I can for a burst of cold air or fan. It's awful. For being 35 years old, with the cancer, it's making me double in age and I feel like an elderly lady whose bones and back ache. It's no fun.  But, I have to keep trenching on and giving, and living. Keep on fighting. Keep up hope. So, let's all keep on praying for the best.

Changes

I can't believe summer's over and it's already Fall. Time sure flies by fast when I'm busy with the kids and completing the day to day house work, like cooking and errands. I love this weather since the leaves change colors, and the weather is nice and cool. October's already here and we have to start planning for Halloweeen and getting the kids costumes, but if they can still fit their last year's costumes, we may try to skip getting new ones.

Lately, I've been feeling a little better but I can hear the crackling, raspiness of my right lung's cancer as I breathe in and out. It bothers and scares me. I already went to see my primary care doctor about it and also told my oncologist about it  Aside from this, my back aches too and I've been feeling this cold watery dripply feeling on my right chest side. It's an odd feeling and perhaps its neurological or it could be due to the numbing scar tissues from the various chest tubes, catheter and cardio window surgeries I had done due to the malignant cancer in my right lung. I try not to think too much about it or else I end up worrying and stressing about it too much and it ruins my day.

Mostly, I focus on the good things I have now and the things I can control although the topic of mortality is an ever constant lingering thought that often comes to mind.  As I read more and learn more of lung cancer, it saddens me that there's no cure, only treatment to try to extend your life expectancy and that what I have is terminal. Everywhere I go, I see semmingly healthy people, healthy parents and such picking up and or caring for the kids and I, for that matter, can only take one day at time and can only hope for the very best. Life is precious and I have to grateful for every moment I have to spend with my kids.

I wish I have more time and energy to be a more spoken advocate to raise more awareness of the deadly disease of lung cancer by joining Lung Cancer Alliance raise money, be apart of many Lung cancer support groups, participate in walks/marathons and such so that research can be funded to find a cure, but with young kids, my time and energy is limited. The one way that I can help has been to be apart of the few clinical trial studies at Stanford, to allow them to collect samples, like blood and such tissues, DNA so that research can gather data to better understand how to effectively treat it and or detect it.

Since joining of the lung cancer support group at Stanford, I've learned that so far, 2 people in the group has passed away from the disease. It's a sad reality of this disease and my prayers and hearts go out to the families.

For now, I'm glad I'm starting to feel better.  I'll be getting a CT scan in a few weeks and as usual, hope and pray for the very best results. Let's keep up our hopes and hearts.

Results of Brain MRI

The results of my brain MRI are in! And the findings indicate that my cancer is stable, but it did find a "small focal enhancing lesion on the left thalamus" but it states that this lesion was likely present on my last brain MRI that was done on 5/5/11 and 2/14/11. Overall, there is still "stable scattered white matter foci".  It's not fantastic news, but atleast the findings indicate that my cancer is stable and nothing serious.
Stanford Doctor Visit Today

Today, I woke up early at 6AM to get ready for my 8AM appointment at Stanford. Courtesy of a volunteer from the American Cancer Society, Walt, a local San Jose volunteer came to pick me up and drive me over to Stanford. It was my first time utilizing the Driver Cancer support program, although I was still a little hesitant about it since I'm not so comfortable about a stranger picking me up and driving me to my appointment.  You know what I mean. But, nevertheless, it was nice of the American Cancer Society to have this program. 

As usual, it was great to see my doctor, Dr Neal and tell me him some of the all around hip, shoulder, back, thigh, arm, neck, knee bone pain that I've been feeling as well as some light headaches.  To that, he suggests I do a neck to knee CT scan in 2.5 weeks instead of a PET scan to check on things.  This is better than a PET scan since we also want to see how my tumor is doing in my chest, lungs and such.

I'm so glad to see him as he's always so encouraging and optimistic.  He also  wants me to be on Tarceva since CT scans shows the tumors are stable while I'm on it.

Overall, other than the aches here and there, I'm doing alright and still keeping really busy with the kids. Here are some pictures of me from today and some from the last few days. The first picture is from Emma, loving eating yogurt.  While we waited for Ethan to be done with Sylvan learning, we strolled down a few stores down to enjoy some good old healthy yogurt. The middle picture is of Ellen, sitting so good at her dental teeth cleaning and checkup. The last picture is of Ethan waiting in line for kinder class to start.

Again, many hugs and love to you all for your emails, support and prayers. Let's continue to wish for continue stableness and good news.

Aches, rashes

Lately I've started to feel some shoulder, hip, back and even knee aches and small headaches. This got me worried so I called Stanford and asked my Onc about getting a PET scan.  I've only had one PET scan done since the beginning of my diagnosis of this year in Feb so it's a good idea to get an update on the effectiveness of my Tarceva treatment. I've beenTarveva for about little over 3 months now, while hoping that it does a miracle cure to zap and shrink the cancer tumors away, I'm wondering if it is working or not and so the only way to find out is to do a PET scan.  I'm scheduled for a brain MRI end of this week at 7AM also and will find out about the results mid next week.  As always, I'm nervous about the outcome but continue to keep up my prayers and hopes.

Other than the dull bone aches, I still have a little rash from the Tarceva on my face and eyelids. I try to keep it moisturized with lotion and even apply some antibiotic cream on little spots where its irritated and this helps. Overall, I'm doing alright and feeling ok besides the dull bone aches.  I wish I have more energy to do more housework but I just don't have the energy like I used to so I can only take on little small tasks like some light cooking and caring for the kids.

Well, that's all for now.  Wish me well on my scans and as always, thank you for your support and prayers. Let's send out more good energy, prayers, wishes and thoughts to fight off this cancer.

Time Flies by so Fast

I can't believe it's already  Friday! Time flies by so fast nowadays since my days are filled with being a full time Mom. I have to say, I'm so thankful that I'm well enough to take care of my kids, cook, do some light cleaning, laundry, run errands, play with and work with the kids some academic lessons.  It does get exhausting at times but I have my routine down and take things a little easy and take rests as needed. We do have a few on call as needed babysitters to help out whenever I have appointments or need some more down time. Times are tough nowadays and income is always hard to bring in so the less we spend, the better. We try to follow the motto, find ways to save, save and spend what's needed and necessary. 

Hair

Two weeks ago, the kids and I, all got our haircuts courtesy of my sister who works at a nearby hair salon. The kids all sat on their own and did wonderful! I just got a little bit of trim and layers myself. I'm still trying to grow it back long but it takes forever to grow! Well, lately, I'm been thinking of highlighting it to hide a few white hair I have. But, then again, I shouldn't since hair dyes contain toxic chemicals. Also, the thought of what my next treatment may be, whether it's another form of chemo or 3rd line of chemotheraphy like Taxol, could effect my hair or cause hair loss. Hmm, I hope that's not a route that will happen cuz I love having my own hair.

Joel Osteen

So a neighbor heard about me and my condition, and trying to be a good Samaritan, shared with me a  30 minute video of Joel Osteen's episode http://www.joelosteen.com/ where he preaches about having faith in God to beat your cancer. He's such an inspirational motivator and speaker! Through him, I learned instead of talking, complaining or praying about your cancer, you should command, speak to and tell your cancer to go away! So, everyday now, before I go to bed, I tell the cancer to go away and that God's commands it to dissapear. And as always, my little adorable Ethan also says his nightly prayer to God; asking him to help heal me and to make my cancer go away and that he needs him mommy. Awh, he's so sweet.

Go Fund Me!

 Created Funding Account

I learned about this funding account online from a news report and finally have started one. Please if you would like to help donate with my medical treatment bills, copay, prescription refill costs and or childcare, preschool tuition costs, please log onto http://www.gofundme.com/FawnLee to donate.  Anything would be greatly appreciated.

Ethan started Kindergarten

Recently last month, Ethan turned 5 years old and has started kindergarten! We celebrated his BIG Birthday at a local nearby park with a small group of friends and family. He's growing up so fast! He's doing fantastic in school and is loving attending school. It was a little crazy during the first week since he attended one public elementary school and then because we moved about 1 mile down from the rental home, we had to transfer him onto another school.  He's so super cute and adorable every time I pick him up from school.

Cleaning for a Reason

I finally also gotten around to signing up for http://www.cleaningforareason.org/. Unfortunately there wasn't any vendors in the San Jose area and so I have to keep checking back to see if there will be new ones added that will be in my area.  Being busy with the kids, running errands and cooking, it would be fantastic if we can get help with a cleaning service.  

I'm so glad that I'm well enough to care for my family and the kids with the day to day upkeep.  It keeps me busy and gives me a purpose to keep on embracing and enjoying every moment with my family. So, here's to many, many more healthy years with my family. As always, let's keep up our daily prayers for continued recovery and remission.

Moon Festival

This past weekend, I took the kids to a friend's place who invited us to their annual mid Autumn Moon Festival celebration or Têt-Trung-Thu (tet-troong-thoo) in Vietnamese.The kids had a blast! It was their first time celebrating it with friends and with many other kids. The tradition in this holiday is that families, parents and friends gather together with their children and tell fairy tales and serve mooncakes under the silvery moon. It is a special day where everyone gathers together with an abundance of food and kids walk together holding candlelit lanterns during dawn. Here were some pictures I took using my iphone. I was a little hesitant to go by myself with the kids since I was worry I may not be able to handle watching all of them since they had a open ungated pool. But the kids did really well! I'm so glad I was able to celebrate this special occasion with the kids and friends.

 

A visit to my Primary Care Doctor

So today after dropping the kids off to school, and since my husband was off today to watch Emma, I decided to be extra cautious and pay a visit to my primary care doctor to checkup on my shortness of breath. My oxygen levels were measured it was good at 98% and he listened to my lungs and did hear a little bit of wheezing.  He gave me a breathing treatment and I instantly felt better! He gave me a hand held inhaler to have and to use for the next few days and also gave me a slip to get a chest X-ray done. He'll call me with the results if there's anything serious.

My Oncologist did call me back to follow up on me and said if it this continues, to be sure to follow up with him for a visit as well.  All in all, I'm so glad I have a team of doctors who's here to help treat me. Let's keep up our prayers for my continued recovery.

Feeling tired

For the past few days, I've been feeling a bit more tired, have been feeling these tingly needle like sensations in my arms and legs due to the rash I get from taking Tarceva. The acne like rash on my face is still there but it's not that bad. It's the rings or circle like rash on my arms that look bad. My skin nowawdays feels rough like a lizard. I slather on tons of moisturizer lotion throughout the day and my skins still feels scaly dry like sandpaper. Its awful.
For the most part, besides little aches here and there and a feeling of tiredness, I feel alright and I think my breathing is normal for the most part but at times I feel like I have a shortness of breathe. I sleep ok and eat ok. Sometimes I wonder if this is all in my head and that I'm just feeling just overly anxious, stressed or being too worry about everything.  Thinking back 6 months ago when I had a shortness of breathe and that 3/4 of my lung had collapsed due to the pleural effusion and to the needle biopsy, I actually didn't even know that my lung had collapsed.  It was only found after my first routine PetScan and MRI done that same day that my primary care Dr called and informed me that my right lung had collapsed. From that day on, I'm always keen on recognizing any shortness of breathe I have and to get it checked out at my Dr's office.

MRI in 2 Weeks
I'm scheduled for a my brain MRI in 2 weeks. I'm a bit nervous about it but glad I'm getting it checked just for an update. I hope it's good news and there's nothing going on. 
Stories of Strength and Inspiration
Lately, I've done some more reading onto how others deal with having stage 4 lung cancer and about their treatment. It's sad though that the prognosis and statistics aren't very good.  Like many others, even though I have never smoked, I still am in shock and still wonder how I could have gotten this. But by now, since my diagnoses 7 months ago, I try to focus on positive thoughts about getting effective treatment and hope and pray for the best.
I've met others lung survivors who are now in remission from the Tarceva treatment (they have the EGFR mutation so it worked for them) and others who are surviving and living beyond 5 years! It's amazing to hear such stories of strength.  Likewise, each and everyday, the kids and I, we pray for the very best and hope for the dream of my miracle remission.

Results CT Scan

I finally got a hold of the results of my latest CT scan that was done end of August. Like always, after the CT I was on pins and needles, scared of any signs of progression and always hoping for the best that the results would show tumors shrinkage. Well, here is the latest results and it's sort of a mixed results.
The report states that overall, the tumors are stable but it did find a couple of major new findings which have been making me worry and terribly scared.  It states that that in my right lung, there are signs of lymphangetic progression and spread. And that it found a new pulmonary nodule in the right lower lobe, measuring 8 mm.

Oh my, this is terrible news! For the past few days, I'm been overly frantic, scared and worry. I didn't know about this when I saw my Onc last week, on Wed Aug 31.  He just told me that that the results overall indicated stability and that he would like for me to still be on Tarceva.  I've been waiting to read the results myself but when the imaging department this time never sent me a copy, so I finally went to get a copy of it this week.

 With my latest CT scan results in hand, I also just my pulmonologist (Lung) doctor too yesterday and discussed with him the latest results. Since most of the report is in all medical terms, I really wanted to have him explain to me the results.  He says to not worry as it means overall, the tumors are stable.  What?! Not worry when the cancer is spreading more in my lymp nodes? For days, my thoughts have ran wild with worry and fear. To me, this means perhaps Tarceva isn't working since I don't have the EGFR marker.  With worry, I've already placed a call to my Onc about switching me back over to chemo treatment again since it showed signs it was working 2 months ago.   I need to fight this disease and need to be vigilant and aggressive with treatment that will work to shrink the tumors.  I have to be my own advocate and ask the right questions and treatment options before it gets worse.
On the other hand, since taking Tarceva, the fluid in my right lung has drastically diminished down to very little that I had the catheter removed so it's a miracle that the fluid simply almost dried up. Wait, just a called back my Onc and he says that if my breathing is good and I don't have any problematic symptoms, like coughing, then he wants me to continue it and hope for more improvement. I'm so glad he called me and reassure that it's a good treatment plan for now. Let's hope it does it does shrink the tumors away. 
Stanford Lung Cancer Support Group
On a daily basis, living and coping with this terminal cancer diagnosis is all too frightening and just plain difficult. No matter how hard I try not to worry and cry, I simply do. I have my "cancer moments" and sessions where I just need to unload my emotions.  I think its healthy to unwind and let it out.  Mostly, I worry about my kids and their future if they don't have me around to help them grow through the years. This week, the pastors have started to revisit and will resume their weekly prayers with me to God, asking  him to help fight my cancer.

With hope to find some support and gain more understanding, I finally went to my first Lung Cancer Support group over at Standford this past Wed. It's a monthly meeting, held once a month, every month for all lung cancer patients and their supporters to meet and discuss everything and anything about lung cancer.  I learned a few things at the meeting and have met many others who have what I have. It's a great network of support as it let's me know how others cope with it and that I'm not alone.

Overall, I feeling ok and doing good. The kids and their activities keep me busy but it's great that I'm able to be here for them and care for them. Let's pray and hope for my continued good health and recovery.